IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#position #women #society #twenty #years #people #delinquency #fact #work #home #care #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since the existence of mankind
women
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in the nourishment of
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
women
Use synonyms
's role has changed from us it used to be because, of
this
Linking Words
 young masses have to face a lot of negative influences,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 juvenile offending. The crime increasing because
women
Use synonyms
 are
work oriented
Add a hyphen
work-oriented
show examples
 and due to it they can not focus on family issues. To embark, with it is undoubtedly true that
women
Use synonyms
's position in the modern world has revolutionised because since user several decade education levels among
women
Use synonyms
 has improved.
However
Linking Words
, with
this
Linking Words
 transformation
women
Use synonyms
's
rose
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
 for their
children
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 changed because of the huge amount of stress and work lead at job place they can not emphasize their
children
Use synonyms
's upbringing.
This
Linking Words
 behaving of their lead their
children
Use synonyms
, commit youth crime because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 young
children
Use synonyms
 are respected and they can trap by young adults into drug trafficking and alcohol manipulation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
fast faced
Add a hyphen
fast-faced
show examples
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 it is need of the time that both men and
women
Use synonyms
 should earn to live happy lifestyle but with
word
Add an article
the word
a word
show examples
 they should
also
Linking Words
 focus on the deeds of
children
Use synonyms
. To be more specific,
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 is something
tha
Correct your spelling
that
 keeps
children
Use synonyms
 to acquire knowledge and learn some unofficial activities.
Thus
Linking Words
, parents should always keep
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 eyes on their
children
Use synonyms
's internet history despite being so busy
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work because it is something that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to trap
children
Use synonyms
im
Correct your spelling
in
 cyber crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, according to a report by
techworld
Change the capitalization
Techworld
tech world
show examples
, In
India
Add a comma
,India
show examples
 45%
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 become
victim
Add an article
a victim
the victim
show examples
 of child abuse on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
. In conclusion.
athough
Correct your spelling
although
women
Use synonyms
's role has been
chamged
Correct your spelling
changed
since
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 20 years but it does not
signifies
Change the verb form
signify
show examples
 that they should any focus on works they have to take their responsibilities seriously because at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age
children
Use synonyms
 are easy
target
Add the particle
to target
show examples
 of trappers.
Submitted by Shaunak Desai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolution
  • domestic roles
  • diverse professional engagements
  • dual-working parents
  • family dynamics
  • juvenile delinquency
  • societal and economic factors
  • dual-income households
  • childcare methods
  • community support systems
  • gender roles
  • family responsibilities
  • professional aspirations
  • development needs
  • correlation
  • simplistic causation
  • workplace policies
  • flexible hours
  • parental leave
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • successful womanhood
What to do next:
Look at other essays: