IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children find some subjects example mathematics and philosophy difficult so these subjects should be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the school curriculum has evolved to a higher level. The
subjects
Use synonyms
 are more tough and complex as compared to earlier times. Some students reckon that
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as math and theories are complicated
,
Correct word choice
and, hence
show examples
hence
Linking Words
, should be voluntary rather than mandatory. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint to a major extent as discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, children these days are already under
such
Linking Words
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intense pressure of studies and co-curricular activities that giving their 100 per cent to everything is an arduous task for them. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top of it, when youngsters have to learn mystifying topics that they are not even going to practically apply in future, adds up to their burden.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey revealed that 60 per cent of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students have to gain knowledge of irrelevant topics just because they are
obligatory
Replace the word
obligated
show examples
 to qualify.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of concentrating on their specialisation, they have to allocate their time to immaterial areas as well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a basic knowledge of every
subject
Use synonyms
 is crucial. It helps a person to become confident and presentable. To exemplify, my friend was so engrossed in Arts
subject
Use synonyms
 that she never paid attention to other
subjects
Use synonyms
. Once she was badly embarrassed when her niece asked her a simple multiplication question and she could not answer.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a little bit
awareness
Change preposition
of awareness
show examples
 about additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 is always advantageous. In my opinion, prioritising
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
according to
Linking Words
oneself's
Correct pronoun usage
one's
show examples
 calibre is a beneficial approach. It helps in making the foundation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
subject
Use synonyms
 matter strong.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it all depends on the type of career an individual wants to choose in the future. Weighing on the pivotal
subject
Use synonyms
 is fruitful.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects to your overall argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the way you connect your ideas. Use linking words to help with flow.
positive
Good introduction that states your opinion clearly.
positive
You explained your points with examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: