IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it so difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness ?

#happiness #life #factors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Happiness
Use synonyms
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
indespencable
Correct your spelling
indispensable
 emotional factor that everyone usually
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 in their daily life. Practically, it is very hard to define because the meaning varies from person to person.
Also
Linking Words
, there are many important factors
contributes
Correct pronoun usage
that contributes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
achievement
Add an article
the achievement
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 emotion.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 is not a physical quantity that can be measured but it is a mental state of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 mind that
chaneg
Correct your spelling
change
changes
 with the different condition.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is very hard to describe
happiness
Use synonyms
 as a universal term.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is not only
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on persons mentally
persons
Change the noun form
person
show examples
 mentality but
also
Linking Words
 depends on their expectations to become happy. It is not
superising
Correct your spelling
surprising
supervising
 that in a given situation, at a given time, two individuals may react differently.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is not easy to define
this
Linking Words
 emotion.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are many factors required in achieving
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
. To commence with, material wealth is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way to acquire
happiness
Use synonyms
. Many of them try to buy material goods to become happy. According to the survey conducted by
cambridge
Change the capitalization
Cambridge
show examples
 university on their students
resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
show examples
 78% of them works want to buy their own house after graduation to feel happy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, health is
also
Linking Words
 significant to get
happiness
Use synonyms
. There are many people
thinks
Correct pronoun usage
who thinks
show examples
 that mental and physical health are the key sectors
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 led them toward happy emotion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, socialising with their love once
also
Linking Words
 bring
happiness
Use synonyms
 in their life. They try to communicate their daily routine with them and enjoy the company of others. In conclusion, there are many reasons which explain that why
happiness
Use synonyms
 is difficult to define and there are some factors
such
Linking Words
 as good financial income,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and serial relationships
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 make a person happy.
Submitted by Shaunak Desai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: