many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #phone

Some individuals say that handheld devices are detrimental rather than beneficial. In my opinion, the mobile

phone

is harmful to our health,

although

I concede its advantage for the purpose of entertainment. On the one hand, technology devices

such

as mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

are advantageous in terms of entertainment

due to

their convenience. A mobile

phone

is just as small as a purse, which means

people

can reach into their pocket for their phones.

Therefore

, folk can,

for instance

, watch music videos,

Correct word choice

and TV

show examples

shows or play games on their own

phone

whenever they want

instead

of using bigger and non-portable technological

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

such

as a TV or a computer.

This

will help students and workers unwind and alleviate stress after a

hard-working

Correct your spelling

hard working

show examples

day.

On the other hand

, the mobile

phone

has damaging effects on our society

due to

people

's overdependence on phones. In the past, when the

phone

was not so prevalent, inhabitants often

talk

Wrong verb form

talked

show examples

together about personal and political topics

while

commuting to their workplaces and educational institutions by train or bus.

This

enhanced their mental well-being and established a friendly relationship between

people

However

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

gains its

Verb problem

are gaining

show examples

popularity these days, which means

people

just keep looking at their own phones

instead

of having a little chit-chat with other commuters.

This

does not degrade only the quality of

people

's lives but it

also

makes the society more fragmented and insular. In conclusion, despite the merit of the

phone

in terms of entertainment, I believe that it is more harmful

due to

the

Change the word

its

show examples

effect on society. If individuals realised the damaging

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

of mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and altered

its attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

their attitudes

show examples

towards

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

this

trend would be curbed.

Submitted by yurodoan3 on Sat Jun 26 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay provides a clear position on the topic and supports it with relevant examples. However, try to expand on your examples and ideas for a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, enhancing the logical flow of arguments. The essay has a logical structure but can benefit from more explicit linking phrases.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the position on the given topic.

task achievement

The essay uses relevant examples, particularly highlighting the dichotomy between entertainment and societal harm, which effectively support the main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Government should focus their spending on public services rather than on arts. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?
An ongoing debate related to national budget allocation is whether the national regulators should endow public convocation or artistic fields. Though the tangible and intangible values offered by arts for people are undeniable, these merits are not as fruitful as a public system. Thus, I articulate total opposition towards money distribution on arts.
7
band
Some people think that we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom others believe that online learning is more effective discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words
Nowadays, due to the increase in technology, some people have an opinion that online learning is best for children. However, others believe that the traditional method, that is in-person communication with the tutor is more suitable. In this essay, I will discuss both views and illustrate the reasons why I prefer the old way of studying.
4.5
band
Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that young people should invest their time in education fully before they reach 18 years old. I agree to this statement to some extent because of the time needed for brain developement, social skill enhancement, and maturity to choise a proper career that full time education can provide.
5.5
band
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
It is evident that although we have a high level of cultivaion, there are still numerous people around the world suffering from the famine. I think the different levels between countries may lead to this and helping the developing stations be rich can be a good solution.
8
band
Some people believe that a good teamwork makes companies successful. Others say that it is more important for companies to have good leaders. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It has been believed that collaborating with others is what makes a company successful. Nonetheless, it is argued that leadership is more appreciated. While both sides will be discussed in the following essay, I strongly believe that collaboration can indeed give more opportunities to lead to success. However, this may not be the only quality to look for in a team, as other skills such as leadership might be equally important to guide the projects.

many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Government should focus their spending on public services rather than on arts. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom others believe that online learning is more effective discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Some people believe that a good teamwork makes companies successful. Others say that it is more important for companies to have good leaders. Discuss both views and give your opinion.