many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals say that handheld devices are detrimental rather than beneficial. In my opinion, the mobile

phone

Use synonyms

is harmful to our health,

although

Linking Words

I concede its advantage for the purpose of entertainment. On the one hand, technology devices

such

Linking Words

as mobile

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

are advantageous in terms of entertainment

due to

Linking Words

their convenience. A mobile

phone

Use synonyms

is just as small as a purse, which means

people

Use synonyms

can reach into their pocket for their phones.

Therefore

Linking Words

, folk can,

for instance

Linking Words

, watch music videos,

Correct word choice

and TV

show examples

shows or play games on their own

phone

Use synonyms

whenever they want

instead

Linking Words

of using bigger and non-portable technological

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

such

Linking Words

as a TV or a computer.

This

Linking Words

will help students and workers unwind and alleviate stress after a

hard-working

Correct your spelling

hard working

show examples

day.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the mobile

phone

Use synonyms

has damaging effects on our society

due to

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

's overdependence on phones. In the past, when the

phone

Use synonyms

was not so prevalent, inhabitants often

talk

Wrong verb form

talked

show examples

together about personal and political topics

while

Linking Words

commuting to their workplaces and educational institutions by train or bus.

This

Linking Words

enhanced their mental well-being and established a friendly relationship between

people

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

gains its

Verb problem

are gaining

show examples

popularity these days, which means

people

Use synonyms

just keep looking at their own phones

instead

Linking Words

of having a little chit-chat with other commuters.

This

Linking Words

does not degrade only the quality of

people

Use synonyms

's lives but it

also

Linking Words

makes the society more fragmented and insular. In conclusion, despite the merit of the

phone

Use synonyms

in terms of entertainment, I believe that it is more harmful

due to

Linking Words

the

Change the word

its

show examples

effect on society. If individuals realised the damaging

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

of mobile

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and altered

its attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

their attitudes

show examples

towards

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

this

Linking Words

trend would be curbed.

yurodoan3Sat Jun 26 2021

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task achievement

The essay provides a clear position on the topic and supports it with relevant examples. However, try to expand on your examples and ideas for a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, enhancing the logical flow of arguments. The essay has a logical structure but can benefit from more explicit linking phrases.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the position on the given topic.

task achievement

The essay uses relevant examples, particularly highlighting the dichotomy between entertainment and societal harm, which effectively support the main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some people think cities are the best place to live. Others prefer to life in the countryside.Discuss both views and give your opinion

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

A building company is planning to build new houses on some land near where you live and has asked the people to give their comments. Write a letter to the manager of the building company and - Say how you heard about the plan of the building company - Give your opinion of the plan

this owning residential buildings advantage outweighed disadvantage