many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #phone

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Some individuals say that handheld devices are detrimental rather than beneficial. In my opinion, the mobile

phone

is harmful to our health,

although

I concede its advantage for the purpose of entertainment. On the one hand, technology devices

such

as mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

are advantageous in terms of entertainment

due to

their convenience. A mobile

phone

is just as small as a purse, which means

people

can reach into their pocket for their phones.

Therefore

, folk can,

for instance

, watch music videos,

Correct word choice

and TV

show examples

shows or play games on their own

phone

whenever they want

instead

of using bigger and non-portable technological

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

such

as a TV or a computer.

This

will help students and workers unwind and alleviate stress after a

hard-working

Correct your spelling

hard working

show examples

day.

On the other hand

, the mobile

phone

has damaging effects on our society

due to

people

's overdependence on phones. In the past, when the

phone

was not so prevalent, inhabitants often

talk

Wrong verb form

talked

show examples

together about personal and political topics

while

commuting to their workplaces and educational institutions by train or bus.

This

enhanced their mental well-being and established a friendly relationship between

people

However

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

gains its

Verb problem

are gaining

show examples

popularity these days, which means

people

just keep looking at their own phones

instead

of having a little chit-chat with other commuters.

This

does not degrade only the quality of

people

's lives but it

also

makes the society more fragmented and insular. In conclusion, despite the merit of the

phone

in terms of entertainment, I believe that it is more harmful

due to

the

Change the word

its

show examples

effect on society. If individuals realised the damaging

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

of mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and altered

its attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

their attitudes

show examples

towards

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

this

trend would be curbed.

Submitted by yurodoan3 on Sat Jun 26 2021

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task achievement

The essay provides a clear position on the topic and supports it with relevant examples. However, try to expand on your examples and ideas for a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, enhancing the logical flow of arguments. The essay has a logical structure but can benefit from more explicit linking phrases.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the position on the given topic.

task achievement

The essay uses relevant examples, particularly highlighting the dichotomy between entertainment and societal harm, which effectively support the main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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many people believe that mobile phone cause more harms than benefits. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

All education (primary, secondary and further education) should be free to all people and paid and managed by the government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

many parts of the world people are relying more and more on prepared food from grocery stores and restaurants because they are too busy to cook at home .this is bad because home cooked food is much better for us to what extend do you agree or disagree ?

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?