IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

We can get knowledge from news, but some people think we cannot trust journalist. What do you think? What qualities do you think a successful journalist should have?

#news #people #trust #journalist #qualities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
children
’s
life
 is different, that determine them to have harmful to health
lifestyle
. I think that the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 situation is that they have limited discernment and
thy
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 need to
be represent
Change the verb form
be represented
show examples
 in their decisions and actions.
Therefore
, it is important to understand hoe’s responsibility for
children
’s style of
life
 and to find the solutions in view of improving healthy
life
. I think that the responsibilities to change
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
children
’s wrong style of
life
 have the
parents
first
. Some of them are busier, so, they should find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways how to manage their
time
 to care about
children
’s meal, proper diet and if they serve meals on
time
.
Also
,
parents
 should limit the amount of money,
such
, that
children
 can buy exactly what is required to eat and from
certain
Add an article
the certain
show examples
 market.
Parents
 should encourage the
children
 to do exercises,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
play educational games and spend
time
 walking. These all will make the
children
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
eat proper food and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
gain stronger immunity.
On the other hand
,
schools
 have the responsibility of bad
children
’s
lifestyle
 too. During the week,
children
 attend their lessons there,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes that they are in school custody.
Therefore
,
schools
 should care about
children
’s
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 conditions during all
time
 they spend in the institution. The Institution needs to improve the hygienic conditions and quality of food to obtain the best for
children
’s health.
Schools
also
 should include
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular exercises and activities in
children
’s timetable and teach them how to grow into healthy adults. As well, I believe that the State can be responsible for
children
’s bad
lifestyle
 too. The government should assume to take all necessary measures to ensure all conditions for
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
 of
children
 without
parents
 and without legal representatives. The state authority can organise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
presentations for
parents
 and
schools
 about how to live with good habits and how to maintain them. Concluding all the information related to the text, I think that to change the quality of
children
lifestyle
 in the best way we need to collaborate and build a system which
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 for
children
’s healthy
lifestyle
.
Submitted by avoalbu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: