IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

We can get knowledge from news, but some people think we cannot trust journalist. What do you think? What qualities do you think a successful journalist should have?

#news #people #trust #journalist #qualities
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Nowadays,
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children
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’s
life
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 is different, that determine them to have harmful to health
lifestyle
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. I think that the reason
of
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for
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this
Linking Words
 situation is that they have limited discernment and
thy
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they
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 need to
be represent
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be represented
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 in their decisions and actions.
Therefore
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, it is important to understand hoe’s responsibility for
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children
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’s style of
life
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 and to find the solutions in view of improving healthy
life
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. I think that the responsibilities to change
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
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children
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’s wrong style of
life
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 have the
parents
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first
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. Some of them are busier, so, they should find
the
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apply
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ways how to manage their
time
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 to care about
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children
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’s meal, proper diet and if they serve meals on
time
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.
Also
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,
parents
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 should limit the amount of money,
such
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, that
children
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 can buy exactly what is required to eat and from
certain
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the certain
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 market.
Parents
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 should encourage the
children
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 to do exercises,
to
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apply
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play educational games and spend
time
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 walking. These all will make the
children
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to
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apply
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eat proper food and
to
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apply
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gain stronger immunity.
On the other hand
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,
schools
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 have the responsibility of bad
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children
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’s
lifestyle
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 too. During the week,
children
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 attend their lessons there,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes that they are in school custody.
Therefore
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,
schools
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 should care about
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children
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’s
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life
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living
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 conditions during all
time
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 they spend in the institution. The Institution needs to improve the hygienic conditions and quality of food to obtain the best for
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children
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’s health.
Schools
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also
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 should include
the
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apply
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regular exercises and activities in
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children
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’s timetable and teach them how to grow into healthy adults. As well, I believe that the State can be responsible for
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children
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’s bad
lifestyle
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 too. The government should assume to take all necessary measures to ensure all conditions for
healthy
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a healthy
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lifestyle
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 of
children
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 without
parents
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 and without legal representatives. The state authority can organise
the
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apply
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presentations for
parents
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 and
schools
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 about how to live with good habits and how to maintain them. Concluding all the information related to the text, I think that to change the quality of
children
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lifestyle
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 in the best way we need to collaborate and build a system which
work
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works
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 for
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children
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’s healthy
lifestyle
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.
Submitted by avoalbu on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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