IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
Food is an essential and indispensable commodity in everyone's life, which is needed to survive on earth. But from ten decades, it has been observed that there is an increase in the body-weight of youth.
This
 is maybe because of the increasing demand for junk food which creates a harmful effect on the body. In
this
 modern era, the lifestyle has become more sedentary. One of the main reason children becoming fattier than before is the availability of fast foods and a range of ready to eat meals.
Furthermore
, teenager prefers to make their life easy, due to which they prefer unhealthy grain over a healthy home-cooked meal.
For example
,
such
 as burger, sandwich, pizza and french fries.
This
 fast cuisine includes toxic ingredients
such
 as fats, salt and preservatives that do not add any nutrients, which are very vital for one body.
Moreover
, due to advancement, in information technology, kids are more inclined towards spending more time on electronic devices
instead
 of playing outdoor games. To be more precise, watch television, play games on computers, surfing the internet and access social media.
On the other hand
, obesity leads to a negative impact on the human body.
First
 and foremost, teenagers are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure. These conditions are life-threatening.
Secondly
, according to medical science, fat teenagers paradoxically have low immunity, which ultimately catches cold or fever when the weather changes.
Thirdly
, an increase in carcass weight eventually gives pressure on the legs, which leads to knee brace problems.
Therefore
 it goes without saying that gaining weight can lead to several health problems. To recapitulate, children's obesity is mainly due to their calorie-rich diet and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inactive lifestyle.
Additionally
, it brings a variety of health disorder in the early stage of their lives.
Submitted by patkipooja on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: