IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #person #phone #access #internet #money #unemployment
A lot of
people
 think that the best way to resolve the unemployment problem in the world is that the government provides cell
phones
 and access to the
internet
 to everyone who has lost their job. But access to the
internet
 and having nothing to do should bring some problems,
such
 as addiction to online games and social
media
. Nowadays
people
 are used to having
phones
 and using them for work.
For example
 when they are out of the office and they have a meeting
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or reading emails when they are on vacation. But giving cell
phones
 to
people
 that do not have a regular job could increase unemployment even more. Addiction to online games is a development problem that starts from the lack of activities in
people
's lives , especially when they do not work or study.Those
people
 might spend 8-10 hours a day playing games or using their social
media
 and doing nothing at all. On the other ,
hand
Add an article
the hand
a hand
show examples
 could be some
people
 that spent their full access to the
media
 finding available jobs on the
internet
 or maybe creating content for social
media
.
For example
, there exist some platforms
such
 as Facebook, youtube, tik
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
, among others that pay some influencers to make content on their platforms and
that is
 considered a job. Having said that, cell
phones
 and the
internet
 are important for work because they facilitate things but when
people
 do not have anything to do
this
 might cause problems. For that ,reason the government should not give them to unemployed
people
.
Submitted by cortez.damaris on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!