IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many counties children are engages in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#counties #children #engages #work #people #responsibility
The paid
work
 of children occurs all around the world. Many people focus on harmful consequences whereas others contemplate it as massive advantages for teenagers. In my opinion, I believe that having
this
 experience is an essential part of adolescent development
conversely
 the youth law must strongly consider. On the one hand, the main concerning issues for youth labour
such
 as job description, hiring rate and working hour are inequity as a consequence of employers who want to get the highest benefits from employees.
For instance
, in
third
 world countries, many kids assignment to do hard labour,
work
 in a dangerous area and unappropriated skill in building sides. Because of saving cost, they choose the lowest payment on these duties.
Moreover
, working at a young age should not be the main income for the family, but some do.
On the other hand
, children working in suitable environments learn
Add an article
a
the
show examples
real-life skill and
also
 earn some income. To illustrate, assignment for them should be the basic task like a cashier or a waiter with 2 hours per day on a weekday and not more than 4 hours per day for Saturday and Sunday. Not only they develop communication skill to deal with the customers for those jobs but
also
 absorb collaboration experience.
Furthermore
, they make money by themself even it is a little amount but valued.
Finally
, in my opinion, I support them to
work
 as a pastime job because it is acceptable for the hour of
work
.
Additionally
, learning only in school lacks practical knowledge,
this
 could full field the missing part.
Submitted by cocktail.siberian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • child labor
  • academic performance
  • exploitation
  • hazardous conditions
  • financial independence
  • money management
  • practical skills
  • employment opportunities
  • time management skills
  • work ethic
  • social and recreational activities
  • overall development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: