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Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet is generally considered as a blessing for mankind. Do the advantages of it outweigh its disadvantages?

#internet #mankind
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In an era of technological innovations and a rapidly moving lifestyle, indeed, the
internet
 has been a blessing for humanity.
However
, it
also
 has its own downside.
This
 essay is an attempt to evaluate whether its advantages
takeover
Correct your spelling
take over
show examples
 its disadvantages. On the positive side, the
internet
 has been a boon for the human race. To exemplify, it is a source of information,
that is
 merely a click away. In more detail, the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 provides study material
such
 as books, articles, and literature
as well as
 online classes for students.
Moreover
, in recent circumstances
due to
 the worldwide pandemic whole education system is dependent on the
internet
.
In addition
 to that, E-commerce, E-banking,
around the world
Add a hyphen
around-the-world
show examples
 communication, and even food can be ordered online. These and many more vital tasks can be performed smoothly and accurately with the help of the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. On the
adverse
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 side, the rate of cybercrime and social bullying is increasing day by day. It
also
 distracts children from building their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. The content portraying violation and pornography, which is not censored has a bad influence on children.
Furthermore
, all the facilities are provided at home and, that promotes a lethargic lifestyle, which may cause obesity in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future. As a matter of fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, the
internet
 has a wide range of accessibility,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
 are numerous cases of privacy invasion.
Moreover
, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child’s play for terrorist groups to hack into the
internet
, which is lethal for the world.
Overall
, the
internet
 is a marvellous tool that makes daily life comfortable, easy and enjoyable.
However
, it
also
 has significant disadvantages that can not be overlooked.
Although
, by imposing few restrictions, it can be used in a much
productive
Correct quantifier usage
more productive
show examples
 way.
Submitted by neel.sadiwala7 on

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task response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet. Ensure that your ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness in responding to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear logical structure with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, work on improving the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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