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Band 5.5

New parents should attend parenting courses to bring up their children well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #courses #children
In recent years, we can say that the world changed dramatically in raising kids with new
courses
 which will bring valuable result after attending those
courses
. From my point of view, I strongly agree to educate
parents
 on how to help their kids to be role models
Firstly
, adding knowledge to human being can affect their attitude in society as well as behaviour. To clarify
this
, some cultures being unfair to people due to the community rules that creating since many decades ago.
For instance
, in some Asian counties
such
 as India and Vietnam let their offspring going out all the without any policy at home due to
parents
 are working far from them, no time to look after them so they can ask help from their relative to look after them.
In addition
,
courses
 will open the gate to the mother and father to learn more about the new approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 raising kids. To illustrate, dealing with different youngsters need precise techniques which
depends
Change the verb form
depend
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 on psychological factors based on children’s circumstances.
Secondly
, being
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
force to follow methods are hard and not familiar for
parents
 which can lead to not trusted their mentality to grow up offspring.
However
, a lot of mothers and fathers are not educated but their approach in grow up with their youngsters are superior. As result, mothers with experience in life plays
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
 fact to bring up scientists and doctors regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 guidance
courses
. In conclusion, it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Parents
 should take intensive
courses
 to support themselves with new modern world requirements. Social care intuition must ensure steps to be taken to prevent
this
 phenomenon
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 deteriorating future. (275 words)
Submitted by yahyagamal2010 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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