IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In conclusion, although being healthy is solely depend on that person’s actions, governments also responsible to encourage and helping their citizens to be healthy by providing free healthcare and underling support regardless of their financial status, so that they are encourage to use them in their efforts to be healthy.

It is true that having a healthy body is important in life,
people
Use synonyms
 must take care of their own bodies. It is commonly asserted that it has to look after
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people’s
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 healthcare by the
government
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. I personally believe that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
evidence to justify
this
Linking Words
 view.
First
Linking Words
 and most obviously, individual taking care of the
health
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 and
diet
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 is our own responsibilities, we have to take exercises to improve our
health
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. In fact, control our
diet
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 and change
lifestyle
Correct pronoun usage
our lifestyle
show examples
, these depend
to
Change preposition
on
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 our actions and effort.
For example
Linking Words
, managing or change our current weight and lifestyle
they
Correct pronoun usage
we
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 need to control our
diet
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 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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stop
eat
Change the form of the verb
eating
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 unhealthy food. Even though, there are many programs and experts in nutrition the illustrate how to be healthy,
at
Change preposition
in
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 the end all the time it depends on
people
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 make it possible or impossible.
Secondly
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,
although
Linking Words
 the
government
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 must look after
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people’s
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diet
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 and
health
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,
people
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 can not be as much healthy as claimed. It is more likely to everyone is not equal in real life, salaries and
people
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 are different from each other.
For example
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, if someone can have natural and organic food while other
people
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 can not have it and one of the reasons is lack of money in
people
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.
Finally
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, even if
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people’s
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 well-being can not be control by the
government
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, the
government
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also
Linking Words
 have obligation to look after the well-being of their citizens. When
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Use synonyms
people’s
Change the verb form
people are
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 important to take responsibility for their own
health
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, the
government
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 have to make arguments, necessary background and motivate them toward the goal.
For example
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, building
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, gyms, swimming pools,
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 with nutrition experts and e.t.c. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 being healthy is solely dependent on
Use synonyms
people’s
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 actions,
also
Linking Words
government
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 can help their citizens to be healthy by providing free experts on
diet
Use synonyms
 and support from financial status so that they justify using them in their efforts to be healthy.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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