IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports even though others claim they should have the freedom to choose a sport to their liking. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #sport #support
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Whether banning adventurous sports is essential or not divides sports enthusiastic into two. Since there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 some support the prohibition, others think that it is a personal choice. In my opinion, I personally think that,
instead
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 of imposing prohibitions, participants should be allowed to decide their participation in
such
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 dangerous activities: they need to be educated about possible consequences and properly trained to minimise any kinds of risks,
however
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. Admittedly, dangerous games,
for
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instance
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,instance
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 river rafting and bungee jumping, have serious risk elements, but individual preferences need to be taken into account.
Hence
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, it would be better if the government announces possible dangers rather than banning the
game
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 altogether.
Firstly
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, when engaging
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such
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in such
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Use synonyms
game
Correct article usage
a game
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, the
sport
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sports
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 personnel highly likely to get injured or hurt,
this
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 could be life-threatening as well.
Therefore
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, it is particularly essential to educate them
consequences
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about consequences
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 if anything went wrong, including death. Another point to consider here is to train and teach safety measures.
In other words
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, how to wear different pieces of safety equipment, and all the members should be taught
first
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-aids.
Finally
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, train both athletics organisers and athletes about how to approach the
game
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 and handle dangerous situations in a precise manner.
Otherwise
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, if the adventurous games are banned by the authority, it would create many conflicts in society since
this
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 could be considered as
Correct article usage
an aversion
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aversion
Correct your spelling
a version
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of
Change preposition
to
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 personal freedom. In conclusion, even though people have
different
Add an article
a different
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view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 on conducting dangerous games, I think that everyone should be allowed to engage
the
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in the
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game
Use synonyms
, but properly advised
the
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of the
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 dangers and trained to be fit.
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