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Band 4.5

Online shopping is now replacing shopping in store. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#store #development
If you have a chance to interview
people
 about their shopping habits nowadays, 90% of them will choose shopping online. Even though some
people
 think
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 phenomenon negatively, I believe the advantages of shopping online outweigh its disadvantages. Let’s
first
 look
some
Change preposition
at some
show examples
 disadvantages of buying
goods
 online. Several environmentalists think
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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online shopping bring more pressure on the environment due to there are more package
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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.
However
, even though
people
 buy products in the store, the packaging problem still
exist
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exists
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. Even worse, when you shopping in a physical store, you have to traveling there by transportations which emitting more
exhausted
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exhausting
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 fumes, defeating the whole idea of conserving energy.
In contrast
, online shopping is a lot more economical from the perspective of
time
 and money. Previously, customers took hours to go shopping:
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to the shops, finding the
goods
 they want, waiting for a long
time
 for checking out, whereas now, consumers could just scroll and click
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mouse at home,
then
 waiting for the deliver-man to bring you
goods
. It saves more
time
 than shopping
in
Add a hyphen
in-store
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store
Correct article usage
the store
show examples
 with which you can spend more
time
 with your families and do some constructive things, like building up the relationships or talking to your spouse.
Furthermore
, the financial benefits of shopping online
also
 attract customers. According to
economic
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an economic
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 report released recently, there are nearly 20%
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online
goods
, no wonder
people
 prefer buying products via
internet
Add an article
the internet
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, In a word, with few negative effects, shopping online still developing
in
Change preposition
at
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 a dramatic high rate. And I believe that online shopping is able to
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
show examples
 enjoy stunning popularity in the future.
Submitted by Esther on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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