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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Online shopping is now replacing shopping in store. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#store #development
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If you have a chance to interview
people
Use synonyms
 about their shopping habits nowadays, 90% of them will choose shopping online. Even though some
people
Use synonyms
 think
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
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 phenomenon negatively, I believe the advantages of shopping online outweigh its disadvantages. Let’s
first
Linking Words
 look
some
Change preposition
at some
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 disadvantages of buying
goods
Use synonyms
 online. Several environmentalists think
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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online shopping bring more pressure on the environment due to there are more package
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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.
However
Linking Words
, even though
people
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 buy products in the store, the packaging problem still
exist
Change the verb form
exists
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. Even worse, when you shopping in a physical store, you have to traveling there by transportations which emitting more
exhausted
Replace the word
exhausting
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 fumes, defeating the whole idea of conserving energy.
In contrast
Linking Words
, online shopping is a lot more economical from the perspective of
time
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 and money. Previously, customers took hours to go shopping:
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to the shops, finding the
goods
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 they want, waiting for a long
time
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 for checking out, whereas now, consumers could just scroll and click
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 mouse at home,
then
Linking Words
 waiting for the deliver-man to bring you
goods
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. It saves more
time
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 than shopping
in
Add a hyphen
in-store
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store
Correct article usage
the store
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 with which you can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with your families and do some constructive things, like building up the relationships or talking to your spouse.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the financial benefits of shopping online
also
Linking Words
 attract customers. According to
economic
Add an article
an economic
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 report released recently, there are nearly 20%
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
goods
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, no wonder
people
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 prefer buying products via
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, In a word, with few negative effects, shopping online still developing
in
Change preposition
at
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 a dramatic high rate. And I believe that online shopping is able to
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
show examples
 enjoy stunning popularity in the future.
Submitted by Esther on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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