IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides & give your opinion.

#people #internet #communities
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To start with, airways are the modern form of transport for people to move from one place to another as it reduces time, money and energy. A certain group argue that airways are causing more air pollution than ever before but I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement and in
this
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 essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
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, aeroplanes are not the predominant cause of air pollution.
For example
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, think of it
this
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 way, if people were forced to use roadways for moving thousands of miles
then
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 imagine the cost of fuel and time wasted towards that.
Also
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, imposing additional costs would lead to the usage of airways only by elites which would not be a great idea.
Moreover
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, the increasing duty would put significant stress on Indian tourism as individuals would prefer touring with other means of transport. Another reason why I disagree is that, if pollution is the problem, we need to resort to ways in which we could curb the environmental damage,
instead
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 of imposing a charge on airfare.
For example
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, now the government is promoting and giving subsidies for electric and
batter
Correct your spelling
battery
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 cars to reduce carbon footprint.
Similarly
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, investment should be made more into the research of finding an alternate fuel for aircraft
and
Correct word choice
apply
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thereby reducing the
toxic
Replace the word
toxicity
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 in
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 and
save
Wrong verb form
saving
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 the environment as well.
To conclude
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, the modern style of transport is causing some environmental problems but the solution would be to find an alternative way to overcome the issue with advanced technology and solutions. Raising the tax would eventually put a hole in common man's pocket and will put the country on the back foot rather than developing
further
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.
Submitted by gikarthikeyan on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly defined. Ensure that the purpose of the essay is well-articulated in the introduction and summarized in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant examples. Ensure that the response addresses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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