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Band 4

‘Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity.’ How far do you share this viewpoint?

#‘everybody #amount #income #support #charity
In the modern world,
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 need to be more charitable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those suffering from unemployment, poverty, and alienation spending a
small-scale
Correct your spelling
small scale
show examples
 of their
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
.
According to
 me, I feel that
donation
 is the most impressive action of a human being, and I will explain why in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, a small amount of
donation
 gives significant power-ups
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 lost their expectation. By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we mean that anyone who
decided
Wrong verb form
decides
show examples
 to spend particular money for a low standard of living provides a positive impact on society.
Moreover
, a charity campaign is not limited by how much wealth or money you spend. It
expresses
Wrong verb form
is expressed
show examples
 by awareness and illustrates by action you performed.
In other words
, we have considerable ability to
stand-up
Correct your spelling
stand up
show examples
Change preposition
to one
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who suffer.
Finally
, a morsel of
diner
Replace the word
dinner
show examples
 that we put in the garbage bin, has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 possibility to provide someone for a whole day.
For
this
 reason, there are other ways for
donation
 using consolidated saving that
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cuts-off
Correct your spelling
cuts off
show examples
 unnecessary costs.
On the other hand
, those who
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
 tend to be
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 dependent mentality, avoiding employment.
For instance
,
according to
 the unemployment report of Mongolia in 2020, ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of all able-bodied citizens live with welfare funds provided by the state.
Nevertheless
, there are plenty of population among us
awaiting
Correct your spelling
waiting
show examples
 for support from society.
Although
 it is assumed that, their lifestyle could be better by helping them with our small amount of
donation
.
To conclude
, I believe that
donation
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 impressive activity for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 suffering
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 poverty, loneliness, and
homeless
Replace the word
homelessness
show examples
. Charity is the
heart touching
Add a hyphen
heart-touching
show examples
 operation that makes someone’s life better.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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