IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

#schools #food #drinks #students #lunch #breaks #development
Many public schools find that they are inadequately funded by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and must resort to other ways of raising money. Selling
food
 provides a source of revenue
as well as
 a service to
students
 but, in my view, the sale of junk
food
 and soft drinks or ‘energy’ drinks is a worrying development. Some people would argue that it is merely a matter of choice. They believe
students
 can make an informed decision about whether to eat and drink products loaded with calories and excess sugar and that, indeed, there are times when
students
 might need an extra energy boost or feel they deserve a sweet treat. Others feel that school
students
 do not yet have the maturity to curb the impulse to buy unhealthy
food
 and may be subject to peer pressure to do so. There are already too many opportunities for youngsters to purchase
this
 kind of
food
elsewhere
, so putting temptation in their way by selling it at school is unacceptable. Those who do not support sales of sugary snacks and beverages say that consumption of these items has adverse long-term effects (diabetes and dental decay,
for example
), and
also
 immediate effects on the learning environment. Children are often hyperactive and overexcited after consuming excessive amounts of sugar, making it difficult for them to concentrate on their studies. A local school in my area removed these items from the shop
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and found an immediate improvement in student concentration and behaviour.
Although
 it may be less profitable, surely schools could be persuaded to sell more fruit and nourishing snacks in the interests of a healthier population. It is their role to educate young people about the benefits of a wholesome and balanced diet, not to endorse the consumption of unhealthy, calorie-rich, low-nutrition
food
 and drinks.
Submitted by kishore.likith on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: