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Band 5

THERE IS GROWING EVIDENCE THAT MAN-MADE ACTIVITIES ARE MAKING GLOBAL TEMPERATURES HIGHER. WHAT MIGHT BE THE MAN-MADE CAUSES OF TEMPERATURES RISING? HOW SHOULD WE DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM? GIVE REASONS FOR YOUR ANSWER AND INCLUDE ANY RELEVANT EXAMPLES FROM YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE OR EXPERIENCE

#evidence #activities #temperatures
World
temperature
 has been becoming an alarming
issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
issue
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of
Change preposition
in
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 many countries .
This
is happens
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is happening
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 due to human interference in the environment .Pollution and
deforestation
 are two main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of
temperature
 rising and in
this
 essay , will suggest several measures which will
helps
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help
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 to mitigate
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 issues. The main reason
of
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for
show examples
ever increasing
Add a hyphen
ever-increasing
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 earth
temperature
 across
globe
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the globe
show examples
.
Firstly
 ,
rise
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the rise
a rise
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 of private vehicles on road ,release
harmfull
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harmful
pollutant
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pollutants
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 in
air
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the air
show examples
 ,which
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causes
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cause
 harmful impact on
green house
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greenhouse
show examples
 gases in our atmosphere .
As a result
 ozone layer depletion start
occuring
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occurring
 ,which enhances
rise
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the rise
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 in earth
temperature
.
For instance
 ,A survey conducted by
national
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the national
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 pollution control board reveals that 67%of
carbion
Correct your spelling
carbon
 emissions from vehicles make
contribution
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a contribution
show examples
in
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to
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 global
temperature
.
The another
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Another
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reasons
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reason
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 that need to be considered is
deforestation
 . Due to
agriculture
 expansion and urbanisation , the rate of
forest
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the forest
show examples
 has been decreasing every year,which
cause
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effects on natural climates.
For example
 ,According to Food and
Agriculture
 organisations ,38%
agriculture
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of agriculture
show examples
 expansion
cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global
deforestation
 . There are several effective measures ,which will
helps
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help
show examples
 to mitigate
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues. It makes the duty of both government and citizens to bring down the climatic conditions normal.Citizens should give more priority to public transport and less to owned vehicles,which helps to lower carbon emissions
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 in
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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 .
Moreover
,
government
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the government
show examples
 should organise
awareness
Correct article usage
an awareness
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camp
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camps
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about reforestation .It is
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 effective way to prevent
from
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apply
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global warming .
To
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In
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 conclusion,due to human activities make
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 conditions unfit for mankind.Excessive transportation on roads and
deforestation
 for
agriculture
purpose
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purposes
show examples
 make
Add an article
the condition
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
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worse.
Awarness
Correct your spelling
Awareness
 among peoples about reforestation and government efforts could
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to bring down
gobal
Correct your spelling
global
temperature
 normal.
Submitted by Ripan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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