IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Sports programmes are hugely popular on television nowadays. But some people argue that these programmes are to blame for the poor health of many young people who prefer to watch rather than part take in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sports #programmes #television #people #health #part #activity
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These days,
younger
Add an article
the younger
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 generation is showing immense interest in watching
sports
Use synonyms
 programmes on television. Some believe that due to
this
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 trend many young people are not playing the
sport
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 physically rather viewing it from the comfort of their own homes. They
further
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 argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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this
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 lack of physical activity is to be blamed for a majority of their health problems.
However
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, I think
this
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 is not the case, I believe that viewing a particular
sport
Use synonyms
 increases your tendency to play it.
To begin
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 with, viewing
sports
Use synonyms
 through a medium
such
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 a television elevates the love for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sports
Use synonyms
 as well as the motivation to take part in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. To add
on
Change preposition
to
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 it, watching your favourite players set records on
screen
Add an article
the screen
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 will
also
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 motivate young viewers to try to set or break those records in real life.
For example
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, my younger brother is a cricket enthusiast, he is very voracious about
this
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sport
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 season of PSL, he witnessed his beloved player Muhammad Rizwan deliver an exceptional ball. So, the
next
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 day I saw him outside in our front yard trying the same technique as the player.
Therefore
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, it can easily be deduced that people who like watching the game will be motivated to play the game as well because they learn and try new techniques.
On the contrary
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, viewing these events for a long duration with snacks in hand will result in
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle and cause numerous health problems.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of
bring
Change the verb form
bringing
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 joy, happiness and enjoyment
in
Change preposition
to
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 our lives, being obsessed with watching it tv for longer periods of time will lead to obesity and poor eyesight.
For instance
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, according to a study in
New
Correct article usage
the New
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 York times,
30
Correct article usage
a 30
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% increase in
weight
Correct article usage
the weight
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 of young adults was attributed to their sedentary
livestyles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
 due to excess
sports
Use synonyms
 viewership.
This
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 explains, watching
sports
Use synonyms
 on TV cannot harm people
of
Correct your spelling
if
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 they do it in moderation. To conclude, in my opinion viewing sporting events on tv leads to motivation to play and increases passion for the
sport
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, it can have detrimental
Replace the word
effects
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affects
Correct your spelling
effects
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such
Linking Words
 as obesity, when too much time is spent on watching as compared to playing them.
Submitted by sehar.sohail2 on

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