To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support this claim

In the recent world, the living style and thinking of
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
been changed as compared to
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
world.
Furthermore
,
people
become more
career oriented
Add a hyphen
career-oriented
show examples
and busy in the race of increasing their wealth. But it is undeniable that the secret of real happiness is still associated with friends and family.
This
will be proven by bringing up the example of superstars who live their
life
in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
loneliness and in depression despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
having all luxuries in their
life
. Foremost, to demonstrate that money can not buy happiness, the
life
of wealthy
people
can be taken as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
example
such
as it is commonly seen in
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
that there are many actors,
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
show examples
and athletes who are taking anti-depression medicine and commenting suicide in spite of having bank balances, living in Villas and living a
life
that only we can
immagine
Correct your spelling
imagine
.
This
proves that fame and luxury are not adequate for
innner
Correct your spelling
inner
peace and
self contentment
Add a hyphen
self-contentment
show examples
.
Secondly
, we can not create emotions and
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
in
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
heart by materialistic things.
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us
show examples
take
example
Add an article
the example
an example
show examples
of
people
living in
previous
Add an article
a previous
show examples
decade who were living a simple and natural
life
and they had true affection towards their relations as they spent most of their time with their family and friends and share their problems. But,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, becoming
career oriented
Add a hyphen
career-oriented
show examples
and busy in improving their standard of living makes
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
life
busy and less time for relations. Which makes
people
depressed, lonely and frustrated because of having no one in their tough time and share their problems. By considering all the aforementioned reasons,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self satisfaction
Add a hyphen
self-satisfaction
show examples
and happiness
can not be brought neither
Rewrite the sentence
can be brought neither
show examples
by living a
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life
nor by profession. Every living human
beign
Correct your spelling
being
needs association with relation to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
a healthy and peaceful
life
.
Submitted by sidramansoor92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!