IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

criminality is groing among children and teenagers. Why is it growing and how should these criminals be treated?

#criminality #children #teenagers #criminals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 fastest growing era, masses are an enormous busy to earning money,
thus
Linking Words
, juvenile
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not get family support all the
time
Use synonyms
Linking Words
However
Add the comma(s)
,However
show examples
, nowadays criminal rates along with teenagers enhanced due to some elements. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why
this
Linking Words
 increase rapidly and how should
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers treat
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 criminal offence. These days
parents
Use synonyms
 have no
time
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
 due to
hectic
Correct article usage
the hectic
show examples
 schedule of their work;
hence
Linking Words
, sometimes adolescents feel vulnerable and feels alone.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 spend significant
time
Use synonyms
 on social media
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook and Instagram, and
also
Linking Words
 make friends online, whom they did not meet in the real life.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of the surveys in India reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are 70% of teenagers spend tremendous
time
Use synonyms
 on the internet and 50% crime rate increased after introducing
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they do not know
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
nature of their online friends. On the other side, there is ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
imperative measures to treat their criminal offence.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 to check
academic
Correct pronoun usage
their academic
show examples
 progress and their friend list. Another, if
children
Use synonyms
 make a mistake that
time
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 might be talking with them in a polite way to do not repeat that mistake
Moreover
Linking Words
, bonding plays
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 role if
parents
Use synonyms
 have friendly bonding with their child
then
Linking Words
 Juvenil share all the things with their
parents
Use synonyms
 without hesitation,
Parents
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 ask their teachers about behaviour in schools and their friends, To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 criminality rose nowadays in adolescents due to the internet and social media,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 could decline
this
Linking Words
 before it occurs by spending quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 and making
a stronger bonds
Correct the article-noun agreement
stronger bonds
a stronger bond
show examples
 with them.
Submitted by kajavadarapiyush786 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: