Many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child’s development, while others believe that external factors such as television, friends and music play a big role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #influence #child’s #development #factors #television #friends #music #role

A highly controversial issue today relates to whether relatives can change the way that kids develop their own personality or if colleagues and media have a major influence on their development. In

this

essay, I am going to examine

this

question from both points of view and

then

explain why I believe the arguments that parents have the biggest role are stronger. There are

people

who argue that the benefits of fathers and mothers in the kid’s behaviour considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing

this

is that juveniles, in general, see their family as models of

people

that they should follow to become successful

people

in future. A

second

point is that children usually spend more time with their parents than anyone else,

what

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

increases the chances of seeing their parents’ good actions.

For instance

, a survey of Havard University showed that many individuals tend to seek partners to have a relationship with the same personality that their fathers or mothers have.

On the other hand

, others believe that there are diverse ways that can influence kids' development,

such

as media and friends. It is often argued that kids change their mindset while they are becoming older.

People

often have

this

opinion because

after

Add the comma(s)

,after

show examples

some years, the youngsters began to watch videos and listen to music that they appreciate most

instead

of what their

family like

Add a hyphen

family-like

show examples

, and these small details have a big impact on their attitudes. A

second

point is that friends can make them change their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

easily and convince them to act

such

as a different person.

For example

, in high school where some teenagers smoke to be known as a “cool guy”. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,

however

, I feel that

although

colleagues and streamings have their enormous role, the family continue to be the most important

people

that help a child to develop because of the amount of time they spent together.

Submitted by silvio_mendonca on Sun Jul 04 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

326 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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