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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is most suitable. what are the advantages and disadvantages of both places?

#people #children #city #life #countryside #places
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Nowadays,parents have started to give Prime importance to the way they are raising their
children
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 in order to give them a better tomorrow.
However
Linking Words
, society has different opinions on where a
child
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 should be raised. Few people believe that kids who brought up in cities will have
improved
Correct article usage
an improved
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 quality of
life
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 whereas others opine that
life
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 will be much better in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
This
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 essay intends to discuss the positives and negatives of both sides. Even in
this
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 21st century-the era of modern technologies, people want to raise their
children
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 in the village as they have some reasonable grounds. As a
child
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 who is born and brought up in a
village
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,village
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 I am clearly aware of the advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
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, the countryside is blessed with eye-catching greenery  compared to the concrete jungles in the City.
In
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addition
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,addition
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 people in
rural
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the rural
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region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 are least bothered about pollution and traffic blocks which contribute to the healthy development of
children
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 as they are free from deadly diseases due to pollutants and ear-aching noises from the vehicles.
Furthermore
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,youngsters who are being raised in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 will tend to have
a great knowledge
Remove the article
great knowledge
a piece of great knowledge
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on
Change preposition
of
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 tradition and culture and will
also
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 be a master when it comes to maintaining the warmth of relationship. While considering the
life
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 in cities it
also
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 has many positive aspects
such
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 as easy access to any place nearby with the help of widespread  transport facilities and has more to offer when it comes to advanced health-care facilities.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 even if the
child
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 is caught by any deadly disease the sophisticated health care system in
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 towns has every treatment to offer in order to save the
child
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's
life
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. At the same
time
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,time
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 towns are considered the education hub and it helps in the better education of the
children
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 who lives
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 with higher career opportunities. As every story has two sides, both these places have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own negatives too.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand village
life
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 lacks advancement in the field of technology, health and education.
On the other hand
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city
Add a comma
,city
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 has to offer more pollution diseases and decreased sense of belonging To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
 even though both the places have pros and cons the pros outweigh the cons and it is the onus of the parents to help their kids to be a better human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 despite where he or she has brought up
Submitted by roshnasav24 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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