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Band 5.5

Some people think that sports play an important role in society. Others think they are nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #role #society #leisure #activity
It is undeniable that
sports
 have significant roles on
people
 within a community. Some
people
 believe that
such
 a role is essential for
people
, other
people
 believe that it is a matter of relaxation. It seems to me that
sports
 would lead to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
 healthier generations for a certain culture.
To begin
 with, some
people
 would argue that
sports
 are a form of entertainment and should be done in their free time. They would probably think that stress and pressure at work would disallow them to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of time to do
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
sports
.
For instance
, the vast majority of
people
 in gulf countries suffer from obesity disease perhaps due to their laziness and having insufficient information about how beneficial doing
sports
 on daily basis is. It has been shown by many observers that many
people
 in certain countries suffer from illnesses due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical activities in their lives, and they believe that having a daily walk for thirty minutes would surely boost their immune systems.
However
, having
sports
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
schedule
Add an article
the schedule
a schedule
show examples
 on
people
’s daily plans would no doubt develop their physical and mental abilities. They believe that
sports
 would generally have prime effects on their bodies, and would certainly lessen rates of injuries drastically especially for the elderly.
For instance
,
people
 of many developed countries doing
sports
 as a habit, they believe that swimming or walking on
daily
Add an article
a daily
show examples
 basis would
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
show examples
 in better health and
therefore
 better outcomes in all aspects. A
further
 benefit
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society is that the number of
people
 who visit hospitals due to a heart attack or diabetes or other kinds of illnesses would decline significantly and
thus
 governments would have the ability to save much more money in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 annual budget. In conclusion, we have talked about how a society might be benefited in terms of
sports
 and
this
 can be clearly shown in their citizens physic and in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 governmental budgets. I personally think that
sports
 should not only be done in free time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but should be scheduled in their daily routines.
Submitted by zaid.qassem1991 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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