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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that sports play an important role in society. Others think they are nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is undeniable that
sports
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 have significant roles on
people
Use synonyms
 within a community. Some
people
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 believe that
such
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 a role is essential for
people
Use synonyms
, other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is a matter of relaxation. It seems to me that
sports
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 would lead to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
 healthier generations for a certain culture.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 would argue that
sports
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 are a form of entertainment and should be done in their free time. They would probably think that stress and pressure at work would disallow them to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of time to do
such
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kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
sports
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.
For instance
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, the vast majority of
people
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 in gulf countries suffer from obesity disease perhaps due to their laziness and having insufficient information about how beneficial doing
sports
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 on daily basis is. It has been shown by many observers that many
people
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 in certain countries suffer from illnesses due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical activities in their lives, and they believe that having a daily walk for thirty minutes would surely boost their immune systems.
However
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, having
sports
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
schedule
Add an article
the schedule
a schedule
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 on
people
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’s daily plans would no doubt develop their physical and mental abilities. They believe that
sports
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 would generally have prime effects on their bodies, and would certainly lessen rates of injuries drastically especially for the elderly.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 of many developed countries doing
sports
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 as a habit, they believe that swimming or walking on
daily
Add an article
a daily
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 basis would
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
show examples
 in better health and
therefore
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 better outcomes in all aspects. A
further
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 benefit
on
Change preposition
to
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 society is that the number of
people
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 who visit hospitals due to a heart attack or diabetes or other kinds of illnesses would decline significantly and
thus
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 governments would have the ability to save much more money in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 annual budget. In conclusion, we have talked about how a society might be benefited in terms of
sports
Use synonyms
 and
this
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 can be clearly shown in their citizens physic and in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 governmental budgets. I personally think that
sports
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 should not only be done in free time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but should be scheduled in their daily routines.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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