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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people
Nobody can deny that government funding is valuable for residents, at least in cases in which they can avoid illness by improving a better way of living. For some
people
,
however
, it is by no means clear that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public finance should not be spent on therapy for
people
 who are unhealthy.
This
 essay will discuss both of these facets as well as present my own opinion. On the one hand, expanding that kind of money for developing healthier living styles can enhance work performance, leading to a more positive economy. Should
people
 reduce wasting time being ill, the bigger amount of tasks will be carried out,
thus
 sharply promoting their own work efficiency as well as organization.
Moreover
, working without ailments
such
 as headache, stomach ache encourages them to concentrate more, simply handling information .
In addition
, the better lifestyle is improved, the better
people
's strength is gained.
This
 means that
people
 can improve their immune
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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, declining the risk of being attacked by dangerous viruses.
On the other hand
, spending national currency on
Add an article
the remedy
a remedy
show examples
remedy
Fix the agreement mistake
remedies
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 for
people
 who are already sick is
also
 crucial. The quality of the medical industry can be increased,
curing
Correct your spelling
during
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher number of patients. Because of the development in finance, hospitals can obtain extra modern equipment, easier treating strange problems about health.
Furthermore
, not only that vaccines and drugs are promoted, but the human resources and researchers in medicine can
also
 be upgraded, becoming more superior.
For example
, thanks to the government's fund in Covid-19,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge number of vaccines has been brought to Vietnam,
safing
Correct your spelling
saving
 more than 3000 patients. In my opinion, I agree that popular money should both be spent on lifestyle and medical treatment due to its advantage in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and medicine.
Submitted by Eteacher on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
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