IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #parents #members #grandparents #care #children #childcare #centers
Recently, there are a variety of families that both mother and father go to work. Because of the heavy workload, some parents accept that
grandparents
 can take
care
 of their kids. While the others think childcare organisations can offer the best
care
. On the one hand, child
care
 services are appropriate for parents that do not have time to take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their offspring.
Hence
, it is
such
 a variety of kindergartens that occur widely. To be more specific, the preschool is one of the most professional organizations for taking
care
 of
Add an article
a teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
. There are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
units that are well-trained to quickly react when problems are caused to our
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
.
For example
, children are easily found to get injured from daily activities as an experienced babysit, who can give exactly medical treatment for our youngsters.
Moreover
, child
care
 centres are
such
 a great environment for our kids that help them to develop language and communication skills.
Additionally
, Being interact with peers surrounding which can enhance social skills and a sense of community. Even more, If our offspring are under the supervision of the staff, they will not perceive loneliness.
On the other hand
, being taken
care
 of by
grandparents
 is
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 benefit. Since the family members are willing to look after their grandchildren. As well as,
grandparents
 are supposed to have extensive experience in raising children.
Then
, the descendant was nurtured by the predecessor may develop attachment in domestic.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
grandparents
 can oriented grandchildren
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
a good parents
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good parent
good parents
show examples
 in the future. In conclusion,
although
 there are arguments in favour of keeping children at home, I believe that
toddler
Fix the agreement mistake
toddlers
show examples
 should be sent to childcare centres for better
care
.
Submitted by phuonggng1310 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: