IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that many food and drink
products
Use synonyms
 contain high levels of sugar, so in the long-term,
people
Use synonyms
 would have many adverse health issues. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
although
Linking Words
 sugary
products
Use synonyms
 are bad for
people
Use synonyms
 who consume them, they are still cheaper than healthy food, which some
people
Use synonyms
 cannot
purchase
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the price of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 should be increased to discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from buying them. On the one hand, the main cause why many
people
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 want sugary
products
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 is because they are very delicious when sugar is put into
foods
Use synonyms
 or drink
products
Use synonyms
. The
government
Use synonyms
 should increase the price of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 to more expensive;
people
Use synonyms
 will avoid purchasing these.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 will have several health problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity disease, high blood pressure, and heart disease in the long term.
Although
Linking Words
 these will be more expensive, in the long-term,
people
Use synonyms
 will pay less money for medical care, or they need not pay it. Even though healthy
foods
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 or less sugary
products
Use synonyms
 are good for our body, some
people
Use synonyms
 cannot
purchase
Use synonyms
 them because these
products
Use synonyms
 are more expensive than sugary
products
Use synonyms
, so they have a few choices for choosing between sugary
products
Use synonyms
 and healthy
products
Use synonyms
. The
government
Use synonyms
 should encourage farmers to grow their vegetables or other
products
Use synonyms
 without chemical fertilizers and insecticides because that makes
people
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 eat them more.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should limit sugary eating
products
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 per once buying.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
products
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 are not sugary
products
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,
such
Linking Words
 as monosodium glutamate and other
products
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 that negatively affect the body, and are cheap, so
people
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 can easily
purchase
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 them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should increase their price to more expensive than sugary
products
Use synonyms
 because monosodium glutamate
products
Use synonyms
 are more dangerous than sugary
products
Use synonyms
. To conclude, I disagree with the statement because some
people
Use synonyms
 cannot
purchase
Use synonyms
 good
foods
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 or healthy
foods
Use synonyms
, but they still
purchase
Use synonyms
 sugary
products
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 in a small volume.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should increase the cost of monosodium glutamate
products
Use synonyms
 to more expensive.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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