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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say success in a person’s life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?

Success
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 is a product of constant hard work and unshakeable willpower among other accoutrements. It is conspicuous that the nature of a
person
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 is a huge driver of
success
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 in one's life. It is unrefutable that the upbringing of any
person
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 is greatly influenced by his
parents
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 and,
thus
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, the nature of that
person
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 as well. In
this
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 essay, I will explore how much a good upbringing by
parents
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 adds to the
success
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 of a child.
Firstly
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, being successful is a simple recipe with ingredients
such
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 as unwavering focus, total commitment and industrious work. How one
learns
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learn
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 these skills? Evidently, a
person
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 has some portion of his nature inked on the brain since birth and the rest is sketched by the people he meets every day like
parents
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 and friends. One
such
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 example could be seen in the actor Will Smith's family, her son and daughter are superstars at
such
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young
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a young
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 age. It is the devotion of
parents
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 that fills a child's heart with virtues and these virtues,
thereafter
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, act as guiding stars for the child later in life,
resultantly
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resulting
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,
good
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in good
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 virtues metamorphosis into great
success
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 stories.
Conversely
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, there's no dearth of immensely successful people
coming
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apply
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who have endured abominable families and horrifying childhood experiences. Notwithstanding these emotional obstacles, talented and determined children
nevertheless
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 find their paths to glory.
For instance
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, Michael Jackson had a troubled childhood and he's christened as the star of the century. Clearly, personal efforts and perseverance can overcome any difficulty.
To sum up
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,
success
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 can be found with or without good parentage, yet, a great upbringing increases the chances of
success
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 manifolds.
Parents
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 work tirelessly to see shining stars on the shoulders of their children and there are very few things, which can help in realizing the dream of a successful life, that can be compared with a devoted father or mother.

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coherence
Consider clarifying the connection between your points more explicitly to enhance logical flow. For example, explicitly link how virtues instilled by parents influence personal efforts in succeeding, as this could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While you provide good examples, adding a few more specific instances of parental influence or contrasting them with examples of personal perseverance could deepen your analysis and support your points more thoroughly.
coherence
Your introduction clearly presents the main argument, establishing a strong foundation for your essay.
task achievement
The diversity of examples used, such as Will Smith and Michael Jackson, effectively illustrates different pathways to success.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • nurturing
  • discipline
  • emotional support
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • resilience
  • determinism
  • aspirations
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • educational opportunities
  • personal choices
  • influences
  • financial resources
  • success
  • development
  • initiative
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