IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children of busy parents should be sent to daycare centres, while others believe that they should be cared for by their grandparents. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #parents #daycare #centres #grandparents
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The argument over whether taking at home or at
daycare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is better for
children
 has not been settled yet when their
parents
 in busy with their works. Whereas taking care
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
grandparents
may
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
be get
Change the verb form
be getting
show examples
 more
love
 or patients and opportunities for families to bond,
daycare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 have a varies of benefits to
children
’s growth. Ultimately, I think
daycare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 experience is better for
children
. There are several advantages for
children
 who taken by their own
grandparents
 at home.
Firstly
,
children
 could get more patients and
love
. Without accompanied by their
parents
 due to the
busy work
Correct your spelling
busywork
show examples
,
grandparents
 may make up
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 loss of attention and
love
 in their growing period.
Secondly
, taking care
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
grandparents
 can ease the pressure of working and can split the financial burden of their
parents
. Because the elderly will share the domestic works and reduce the living cost by using their statutory retirement expense.
On the other hand
,
daycare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 provide advantages for
children
. they can make many friends and improve their communication as well as their abilities to solving
problems
 by themselves rather than escaping
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 or avoiding
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 under the
protecting
Replace the word
protection
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
parents
.
In addition
, growing in
daycare
 could reduce the pressure of their
parents
’ work. With the
fiercely
Change the adverb
fierce
show examples
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
, a majority of young
parents
 may not have enough time to playing or teaching with their
children
, especially when they have
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
 in
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
. While
,
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apply
show examples
 the staff in
institution
Add an article
the institution
an institution
show examples
 are physical trained and professional teaching that can solve many
problems
 in study or life. I believe that
children
 are better off in a
daycare
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Although
grandparents
 can give more attention and
love
 to their
children
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socialization and the abilities
of dealing
Replace the preposition
to deal
show examples
 with
problems
 are more important. Facing those
problems
 may be a challenge to their
children
 now, but it will develop positive habits of solving
problems
 and studying abilities in the near future.
Submitted by jyo87 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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