IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe that there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
Some people think that the goal of tertiary education is to provide graduates with better jobs while
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 feel that
unversity
Correct your spelling
university
 education has far-reaching benefits for both individuals and society. In my opinion,
knowledge
 from university is worth more than a better-paid job On one hand, several reasons point out why university education support students in finding more satisfactory jobs.
That is
 because most of the
knowledge
 that learned in tertiary focuses on one specific subject.
For example
, when studying finance, economics students understand how currency work, what is the definition of finance and bigger concepts contributing to macro-finance.
On the other hand
, I agree that
knowledge
 that we learned in
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 study have both
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 for
themseft
Correct your spelling
themself
them soft
 and society.
Firstly
, things learned from university can be used in
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 situations. Back to the example about finance study, not only we gain more
kowledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about it, we can use these grasp to control our daily
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of money or invest in
business
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
. If used correctly,
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of money will be saved or even more, they will
automaticaly
Correct your spelling
automatically
 produce money for themselves.
Secondly
,
these
Change the determiner
this knowledge
show examples
knowledge
 can be a subject to talk about with friends or family when hanging out,
this
 proof to them that you are a well-educated person. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
univerity
Correct your spelling
university
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 much more benefits than just getting a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 jobs.
Submitted by Eteacher on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: