IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are concentrating on the topic
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 whether individuals should rank
health
Use synonyms
 as
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social responsibility,
such
Linking Words
 as doing exercises or focusing on nutrition
supplement
Fix the agreement mistake
supplements
show examples
 rather than other
benefits
Use synonyms
.
For
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I agree that
health
Use synonyms
 is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
fundamental to our whole
society
Use synonyms
. Good
health
Use synonyms
 can accelerate the speed of development pace in economic aspects to the
society
Use synonyms
. It will maximize the profit from the creativity and productivity by the good
health
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
. Good quality of body will
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 more creativity when
people
Use synonyms
 handle some tough problems and have enough energy to turn sparkling originality into a developed idea than those who are weak or easy to get
illness
Add an article
the illness
an illness
show examples
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means, they can invent more innovation and up efficiency are undeniably effective to the economies of
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
. Especially in some cutting -aged technology
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
, having good
health
Use synonyms
 will
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to prolong their retirement and remains those
intelligence
Replace the word
intelligent
show examples
 scientists to insist on their position and bring more
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, good
health
Use synonyms
 will keep the human civilization continue to propaganda
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 traditional culture and human intelligence to be reserved. To keep those
people
Use synonyms
 ‘s
health
Use synonyms
 is actually vital for our cultural establishment and inherited which hardly be substituted by other forms of patterns.
For example
Linking Words
, some traditional handy craft strategies
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may
existed
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 for thousands of years and transform from one generation to the
next
Linking Words
 by those professors who are dominated in
this
Linking Words
 field. If those
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are likely to get illness or dead by suddenly disease seems to be a big loss to the whole
society
Use synonyms
 civilization. So, it is
obviously
Replace the word
obvious
show examples
 to see that good
health
Use synonyms
 should be ranked as the priority
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the others in social aspects.
However
Linking Words
, it is not deniable that personal
benefits
Use synonyms
 should
be underestimate
Change the verb form
be underestimated
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 may suffer more if they do not care about their
health
Use synonyms
 or not
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
 well as a good father or mother role model in their families. But if everyone only seeks their own
benefits
Use synonyms
 as the number one and higher than the social duty,
people
Use synonyms
 will
finally
Linking Words
 be lost
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 identity because of the collapse of the whole
society
Use synonyms
. Before we can keep stable in our family or fulfil our goal in the workplace, we are actually is the part of the whole family of our countries. In conclusion, good
health
Use synonyms
 should be successful to appeal to our attention and set as a key factor to complete the common goal in our big family as well.
Submitted by jyo87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: