IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
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The
income
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 of entertainers is an ongoing hot debate issue. Some
people
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 argue that
people
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 who work in
entertainment
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the entertainment
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 and
sport
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sports
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 industry are
ovrpaid
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overpaid
. I
partialy
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partially
 agree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will give some
explainations
Correct your spelling
explanations
explanation
 and discuss other types of
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 that should be highly paid. A number of
people
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 think that the
income
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 of
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 and sports stars is too high. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
. We cannot ignore that those entertainers have
add
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added
show examples
 colours to public lives, and they provide
people
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entertainments
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entertainment
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.
However
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, their extremely high
income
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 could mislead
people
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 that they can gain fame and fortune overnight, which is not likely to happen in
real
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the real
show examples
 world. Many
people
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 are not willing to do other types of
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
As a result
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, there will be an employment issue with other types of
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and the development of
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 society will be affected. To avoid
this
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 issue,
people
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 who work in professional areas should deserve higher wages
such
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 as
fireman
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firemen
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, polices, doctors, and nurses.
Thoes
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Those
people
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 have
great
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a great
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contribution
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contributions
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 to our society. They save millions of lives and they have to face many dangerous situations. The time and energy they put
in
Change preposition
into
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training
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the training
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 and obtaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional knowledge should
also
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 be considered.
For example
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, a
docotor
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doctor
 may
need
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toneed
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 spend more than 10 years to obtain a degree.
Therefore
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, they should deserve higher
income
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 and more
people
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 will be attracted to do a professional
job
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. In conclusion, I partially agree that entertainers are overpaid, which can mislead
Correct article usage
the publics
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
public
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publics
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public
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.
Moreover
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,
thoes
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those
people
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 who work in professional areas should be highly paid because they have
large
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a large
show examples
 contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, and they make lots of effort to become professional in their specific field.
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