IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
Recently, there is an ongoing debate whether it is important to have an enjoyable
environment
 at
work
 or to have a job that offers good wages.
However
, I believe that the way’s
people
 think will influence their decision. Some
people
 feel that earn a lot of
money
 are important while others believe that have an enjoyable
environment
 is more important. I believe that both views are really necessary but my opinion is having an enjoyable
environment
work
 is the most significant thing. It is true that
money
 can help someone to get a better life quality.
People
 who have plenty of
money
 can do what they want;
for example
, go on holiday with family and friends or buy luxurious items on the bucket list.
Although
 they did not enjoy the
work
, they can earn a lot of
money
 and spend it on the things that they love.
However
, do something that you did not enjoy can lead to stress. During office hours, they feel unmotivated and often felt that
work
 is something that burdens them. In a long time period, they will be suffered from health problems
such
 as hypertension caused by working.
On the other hand
,
people
 who love their
environment
 at
work
 will consider their job is something that they love to do because it is supported by the
environment
. They will produce
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
work
 since they enjoy do the
work
.
In addition
, it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 their motivation and can finish a lot of
work
 in a short time. In conclusion, I think that even though
money
 can help to have a better life, it cannot completely help to get happiness. We spend most of our time at the working place so
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 tremendously important to have an enjoyable
environment
.
Submitted by anita.ibrahim5726 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: