IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

By surveying
of
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human history, it has obviously been observed that in the past, people and their governments suffered from a lot of difficult problems
such
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 as pandemic diseases, expanded poverty and famine as well as a wide array of wars. But nowadays thanks to modernity, technology and awareness, these adverse aspects of human lives have considerably shrunk and rectified. From
this
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 perspective, I would maintain that
although
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 pay attention to safety issues in different
Countries
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countries
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 should be considered, improving public health and expanding research fields by more investments from governments should not be underestimated.
First
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 and foremost, there are numerous pieces of evidence that different countries have confronted with many safety problems.
In other words
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, some ordeals: unavoidable economical competitions and differences among local people sometimes necessarily need to control
from
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by
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 the governments. As a consequence of that existing (existence) of military forces might
allievate
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alleviate
 (alleviate)
such
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 negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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,
in particular
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, in the
third
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-world impoverished countries.
One
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On
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 the other hand, by reserving a huge amount of resources which are annually spent in order to promote armed forces throughout the world, the public health issues as one of the most
importants
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important
matter
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matters
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 (matters) facing
the
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humanity can significantly be upgraded and improved towards the ideal living situations for all people.
Furthermore
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, undoubtedly the progress of technological instruments in various areas should not be negligible. It has meant that the more we can try to achieve a lot of
possitive
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positive
 (positive) consequences from
this
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 area, the more we can benefit from striking outcomes.
Hence
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, the pros of decreasing the armed forces throughout the world can strikingly eclipse the cons.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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