IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?

#people #countries #diet #critics #change
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The Western citizen’s
diet
Use synonyms
 has become worse according to some critics. Some professors argue that they should
chage
Correct your spelling
change
charge
 their
diet
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. I personally agree with these suggestions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrialization, more
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 start to produce canned
foods
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. These productions are convenient for customers to buy and use. But they are certainly less
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritious
show examples
 and safe for people to use
in
Change preposition
for
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 a long period.
Moreover
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, there are several
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of junk
foods
Use synonyms
 around the world. Teenagers prefer to eat junk
food
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 the most and there’s no benefit for their development.
In addition
Linking Words
, using machines to produce
foods
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 is sometimes extremely dangerous because of the
toxic
Replace the word
toxicity
show examples
 in the engines.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, western countries can change the
diet
Use synonyms
 from modern
food
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 to traditional
food
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, as these
foods
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 have a lot of nutrition and vitamins. People can easily prevent themselves from a dangerous disease,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 cancer.
Finally
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 using technology devices to produce
food
Use synonyms
 is undeniably convenient, the importance of a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 to everyone should always be the priority. In western countries, it is essential for citizens to adjust their eating choices to include more traditional
food
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 safer and healthier.
Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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