IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to protect the environment is to use local resource, such as food or building materials rather than transporting resources from other places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Undoubtedly, good and healthy surroundings make life conducive for living. It is a common topic of discussion that
instead
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 of soliciting resources from other areas for the health of the habitat,
indigenous
Capitalize word
Indigenous
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 assets used in the home and food preparation should be used;
however
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, each type of resource has its own significance, and
this
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 article outlines my thinking by discussing the different kinds of resources before I come to the point of agreeing or disagreeing with their use.
Firstly
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, the main reason for importing different types of resources from abroad is the conducive environment for producing goods.
In other words
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, foreign countries produce some of the equipment that our domestic environment is not conducive to;
as a result
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, so many types of equipment are imported.
For example
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, India imported some of the most precious metals and stones from the United States in 1945, which are produced only in the United States worldwide because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Americans have so much money available that it is impossible to make so many investments in India. Neither can be established in the agrarian considering low economy as a foremost reason
or
Correct your spelling
for
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 population growth. Only a few rich Indians can use
such
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 innumerable valuables.
Hence
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, some foreign material is imported from abroad.
Nevertheless
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, ordering some goods from abroad can be attributed to the lack of conservation of the nation. Put differently, the government of a country needs to invest a lot of money to import any property from abroad, which has a very adverse effect on the economy of the province. The regime can support the same amount in the modern and fundamental development of the environment.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a survey conducted in India in 2020, the government had to spend Rs 2 crore to import material from abroad, and our economic situation deteriorated drastically.
Thus
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, the loss of imports for the usage of any equipment from outside the country is sufficient to weaken the economic condition of the nation.
Finally
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, from the aforementioned statement, I believe and agree
up
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that
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 to some extent the many reasons for the use of foreign goods, the country is facing the adverse effects of
this
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 investment.
Therefore
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, native time should be used as much as possible to keep the atmosphere balanced.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. Consider rephrasing to directly state your position more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Each paragraph should clearly lead to the next.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific and relevant examples. This will make your points stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You demonstrated an understanding of the importance of local resources and their impact on the environment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for each idea, making it easy to follow.
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