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Writing Samples
Band 4

Young adults should contribute to their communities by doing unpaid work in their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#adults #communities #work #time #outweigh
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Nowadays, it is very common for young
adults
Use synonyms
 to do unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 for the sake of contributing to their communities. Doing no-paid
work
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 not only helps
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding of their communities but
also
Linking Words
 to build up their personality. The arguments are followed.
Firstly
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, doing voluntary works provides sufficient opportunities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
adults
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 to serve
needy
Correct article usage
the needy
show examples
. These items
such
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 as cleaning streets, visiting
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 in need and flag-selling. Volunteers gain lots of information about their living environment as well as
linkage
Add an article
a linkage
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 among their
neighbour
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbours
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. The sense of
belong
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belonging
show examples
 towards local
therefore
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 increase.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is good for
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 to do unpaid
work
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, another advantage of voluntary jobs is
well-establishment
Correct article usage
the well-establishment
show examples
 of personality. Throughout the different activities, their personal quality namely communication skills,
team-
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
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, and decision making will
then
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 be improved.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 precious life
experiences
Add a verb
areexperiences
wereexperiences
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 definitely beneficial to their future development.
Nevertheless
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, someone may claim that suck
work
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share
Change the verb form
shares
show examples
 a
consideration
Replace the word
considerable
show examples
 amount of time which can be utilised more
efficient
Replace the word
efficiently
show examples
.
For example
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, young
adults
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 can attend academic lessons or enjoy their leisure time with friends.
However
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, voluntary
work
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 and me-time can
co-exists
Change the verb form
co-exist
show examples
. They are mutually exclusive to each other. In conclusion, young
adults
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 can
be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 from doing unpaid
work
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 by knowing more about their social situation and improving
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 characteristics
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. The advantages of
this
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 are more than the disadvantages.
Submitted by tommy.choy507 on

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