Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The expenditure for
sports
is a major problem for many countries for the argument whether the government should spend more money training particular professional athletes or creating better conditions for adolescents of the whole nation.
While
I partly agree that encouraging the participation of
children
in
sports
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
is quite important, I believe that investing in the professionals who have the chance to win glory for the country is equally significant. The positive impacts of motivating
children
to be physically active can be seen from several aspects.
Firstly
, with the heavy load of classes, kids nowadays have less and less time to play outdoors or even get on their feet, which results in a rising trend of obesity rates and other illnesses.
By providing
Change preposition
Providing
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opportunities like holding
sports
events for youth can help them get some exercise.
Moreover
,
sports
offer numerous spirits that are good for life,
such
as teaching kids the secret of teamwork and the life lesson of not being frightened by failure.
Finally
, participating in
sports
activities gives
children
more chances to interact and socialize with their peers in person
instead
of communicating through social media. The great outcomes of helping competitors prepare for major
sports
competitions are nonnegligible.
To begin
with, getting prizes in
such
competitions shows the world not only the excellent talents of these athletes but
also
the comprehensive strength of the nation.
Furthermore
, these events are often of huge popularity among the general public around the world, watching participants
winning
Wrong verb form
win
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the game
arises
Correct your spelling
raises
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the interest of
children
.
For example
, the two most famous football players, Cristiano Ronaldo and Messi
,
Remove the comma
apply
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have inspired thousands of kids to play football.
Last
but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, the development of the
sports
business of the country summons up the patriotism of its citizens. In conclusion, encouraging the young to participate more in
sports
activities is as important as fostering professional athletes for major
sports
events and neither of these should compromise for the other.
Submitted by 576579710 on

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General Feedback
Overall, your essay provides a good discussion on the topic. Make sure to strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and elaborating on the points made. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph connects smoothly to the next to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion provided
Task Achievement
Several examples supporting the main points
Topic Vocabulary:
  • grassroots level
  • uncover hidden talents
  • sustainable sporting culture
  • healthcare costs
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • elite sports
  • fosters
  • unhealthy competition
  • engagement
  • initiatives
  • cost-effective
  • broader impact
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