Some people say that outdoor activities bring benefits to children's development rather than computer games, To what extent do you agree/disagree?

#people #activities #children #development #computer #games

It is argued that doing

activities

outside is more advantageous to a child’s overall growth than playing games on computers. I completely agree with

this

aforementioned statement.

This

essay will discuss the benefits of these

activities

to kids’ development of physical and mental health.

Firstly

, outside

activities

help

children

build strong bones and physical strength. In fact, regular exercises from playground

activities

possibly increase appetite and foster the process of metabolism and digestion, which helps the body absorb minerals and proteins effectively.

Besides

that, being in the sunshine means that

children

can naturally absorb vitamin D which is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

essential

nutrition

Replace the word

nutrient

show examples

for the development of bones.

By contrast

, gaming might encourage a sedentary lifestyle. Lavishing time on

this

activity is one of the causes making

children

easily suffer from obesity

Secondly

, playing outside may enhance mental health.

This

is because when staying in touch with nature,

children

's imagination seems to be stimulated by various objects or shapes and colours in diverse sizes. The outdoor environment gives young people the opportunity to develop creativity efficiently.

In addition

, they are likely to engage in direct interaction with their friends to learn social skills rather than looking at laptop screens.

This

means that

this

behaviour can lead to stronger relationships in the future. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential benefits of playground

activities

are more significant than its disadvantages. It is recommended that

children

should be encouraged to attend more outdoor

activities

with friends to enhance their physical and mental health.

Submitted by btfemx on Sat Jul 17 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that outdoor activities bring benefits to children's development rather than computer games, To what extent do you agree/disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Many parents believe that children should read strict educational books and not any other entertainment books as it is were of time. Do you agree or disagree.

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Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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