IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to a work place every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

#say #majority #employees #home #work #place
Although
 there is no doubt that working remotely is an enormous advantage, it is important to consider how employers will track the productivity of their
employees
. While there are abundant people who think that going to the office is crucial, some believe that it is waste of
time
. In
this
 disquisition, I will delve into both arguments, and I will explain my supporter for the latter view.
To begin
 with, one of the most significant
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of working on the site is tracking the performance of the workers.
This
 happens because many managers can keep an
eyes
Correct the article-noun agreement
eye
show examples
 on the progress of the daily tasks they provide to their workers.
In other words
, managers can share their ideas and their comments immediately and they can guide by showing how the tasks can be done.
Consequently
,
this
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to achieve tasks on
time
, which will inevitably lead to more productivity.
Nevertheless
,
employees
 who work from home get an opulent benefit by achieving their duties far from the office.
This
 happens because they can
can
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
save a lot of
time
, which is wasted
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 transportation.
For instance
, according to
study
Add an article
a study
show examples
 conducted by The
Time
, 56% of
employees
 whose work can be done from home feel satisfied and more productive. To clarify, these people feel that they save
time
, which is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
the crucial
show examples
 factor, to study and gain new skills.
Subsequently
, the
new
Change the adjective
newly
show examples
 gained skills will
broadening
Change the verb form
broaden
be broadening
show examples
 their horizons, which will impact substantially on their performance at work. To epitomize,
although
tracking
Add an article
the tracking
show examples
performance
Correct article usage
the performance
show examples
 of
employees
face
Change the verb form
faces
show examples
 to face is mandatory, there are numerous plethora of working on your own. Personally, I am a vehement backer of providing new jobs, which can be monitored remotely.
Submitted by ahmed.adel.saad6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: