IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#availability #entertainment #video #games #devices #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since the advent of gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones and tablets, which are mostly used for entertainment,
people
Use synonyms
 have been arguing about the effect on individuals and society itself. I believe that handheld
devices
Use synonyms
 are detrimental for
people
Use synonyms
 as they might cause health deterioration and affect the efficiency of employees due to addiction to smartphones. To start with, the increase of average screen time- the mean amount of time, which is spent in front of the screen per person, promoted a commonness of eyes issues.
This
Linking Words
 was concluded by the research of NHS which states that the share of
people
Use synonyms
 with vision deterioration in 2015 increased by 60% in comparison with 2005;
in addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 investigation found a direct correlation between the mean screen time of
people
Use synonyms
 and the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 with vision deterioration.
Hence
Linking Words
,
devices
Use synonyms
 can be considered as harmful.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the availability of entertainment on smartphones and other portative gadgets brought an opportunity to use them more frequently in comparison with other sources of entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as TV.
Consequently
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 obtained addiction, which leads to lower efficiency as workers can be easily disturbed. The recent research of the University of East Anglia which was released in 2018, states that employees can waste up to two hours daily due to messengers, social networks;
therefore
Linking Words
, portative
devices
Use synonyms
 seems to be detrimental. In light of the thoughts elaborated upon, I would like to conclude that handheld
devices
Use synonyms
 are harmful to citizens as they promote health issues and reduce the work capacity of
people
Use synonyms
 as they are distracted by phones and other gadgets.
Submitted by samir2002mamedov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • social isolation
  • interpersonal skills
  • violent content
  • desensitizing
  • cognitive benefits
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving skills
  • educational value
  • stress relief
  • emotional well-being
  • social connections
  • portable entertainment
  • global communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: