IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

#researchers #study #behaviour #children #criminals #crime #genetics
A lot of scientists believe that we can now learn the behaviour of adolescents if they will grow up to be against the law. I strongly disagree with
this
 idea. I believe that genes do play a role but the primary determinant is nurture - education and bringing up. It is definitely possible to mould a child into any direction by proper bringing up.
Firstly
, if we adopt the mindset that if
parents
 are criminals so will their
children
 be
then
. Even if a child is born to criminal
parents
 but brought up
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a good environment and provided quality education, he will not be a criminal.The debate on nature versus nurture has been raging for ages but does not have an answer . A child prodigy can be born to ordinary
parents
 and many intelligent
parents
 can have ordinary
children
.
On the other hand
, it has been seen that
children
 born to intelligent
parents
also
 are intelligent and successful, but we still can teach the kids who give birth
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 criminal
parents
 to achieve success and
smart
Add a missing verb
be smart
show examples
. In order to prevent the crime,
parents
, the media and the government should join together.
Parents
 should afford a good environment for the growth of youngsters. Proper guidance should be provided through daily activities as like as manage the information from
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, do not let
children
 see acts of violence,
....
Replace the punctuation
...
show examples
 In conclusion, the willingness of
parents
, the media and the government to believe that addressing the crime problem will put it on the right track in finding solutions. 260 từ ạ
Submitted by Eteacher on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: