IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The purpose of a businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree.

#purpose #businesses #money
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There is no doubt that one of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 for businesses is to make money.
However
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, it is becoming common to hear people talking about how they should concentrate only on
this
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,
instead
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 of the social responsibilities that companies have or the quality of the service they offer. I believe that
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 should have more presence in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society than just make money. It is a well-known fact that any company must make money in order to keep running in
business
Use synonyms
 and
also
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 be able to compete with others.
In addition
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, we can´t deny that
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 main reason for companies to focus on
this
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, is because they have to cover the employee wages, the payments for the buildings or vehicles and their maintenance. It is important to understand that the key
for
Change preposition
to
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 a successful
business
Use synonyms
 is having a good financial result every month. On the other side of
this
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 argument, I believe that the owners of the companies have an important social obligation. From my point of view, one of the most significant is the way they treat their employees, they should always try to ensure their safety and never exploit them. Another thing to consider is the impact they have
in
Change preposition
on
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 the society around them. I think that
business
Use synonyms
 should contribute with the local projects
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the environmental, the charity or the educational initiatives. As a conclusion, it is important to realize as I mention before that good profits are the key
for
Change preposition
to
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 a successful
business
Use synonyms
,
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however
Add a comma
,however
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 I strongly believe that the owners must ensure that their employees aren´t exploited.
In addition
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, they should try to put the same importance
to
Change preposition
on
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 their social obligation as they do
to
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on
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 their financial goals.
Submitted by abad.nicolass on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial sustainability
  • Profit margin
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Stakeholder
  • Socio-economic impact
  • Ethical business practices
  • Customer retention
  • Brand loyalty
  • Workforce morale
  • Innovation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Competitive edge
What to do next:
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