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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern cultures around the world have become similar as compared to the past. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

Cultural differences across the globe have been diminishing in recent
past
Correct word choice
apply
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years. Predominantly there are two important reasons for
this
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change
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such
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 as globalisation and technological advancements like the internet. In my opinion, it is beneficial and a positive trend for humankind as it would improve relationships and bring everyone on the same page. Technological improvements over the
last
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 decade have helped the
world
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 to become a small global village. Globalisation among all nations with increased tourism and immigration is one of the critical causes
for
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of
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this
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change
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. Travelling to other
countries
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 has become so easy in
this
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 contemporary
world
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,
for example
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, reduced travel costs,
visas
Correct word choice
and visas
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 on arrival at many destination
countries
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 have helped the
world
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 to become a global village. Adding to
this
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, needless to say, technological disruptions are helping the majority of
people
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 to know the
cultures
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 of other nations
on
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at
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fingertips
Correct pronoun usage
their fingertips
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. Social media websites,
for instance
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,
such
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 as Facebook,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
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 have enabled netizens to understand the wardrobe and food
cultures
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 of neighbourhood
countries
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.
This
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 trend absolutely has become a positive aspect for many to help themselves to accustom and settle in other
countries
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 without any major hurdles. To be more precise,
people
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 are able to understand the behavioural patterns of food, dressing and language beforehand,
therefore
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, there is no need to learn different
cultures
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 and traditions of other nations. A Japanese delicious recipe,
for example
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, Sushi has gathered so much attention and interest
of
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from
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people
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, indeed
people
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 in India are very fond of
this
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,
moreover
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, many
people
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 know how to cook
this
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, has helped
people
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 to immigrate to Japan and settle there. Bringing the entire
world
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 onto a single thread has improved relationships between
people
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, and eventually
countries
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. In conclusion, similarities between the advanced
cultures
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 have increased during these times. There are important reasons behind
this
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change
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 in the form of globalisation and the internet. I strongly opine that
this
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change
Use synonyms
 is not only good for individuals but
also
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 to improve relationships between geographies.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your thesis statement.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your points and make them clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps tie your ideas together.
content
You have included relevant examples that illustrate your points well, such as the example of sushi.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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