IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #control #behaviour #children #age #freedom
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of
children
 can not be
Add an article
the emphasis
an emphasis
show examples
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasised
show examples
. Parents are the
first
 contact point to
children
,
therefore
 the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of
children
 should take place
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a younger
age
. It is of no doubt that the training of
children
 begins from
home
,
therefore
 each
attributes
Change to a singular noun
attribute
show examples
 of a
child
 shown must be put into consideration and realized in time for proper training.
Firstly
, it is very important that the guidance of
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
 infant at an early stage would put the
child
 at lesser risk of hazards and created good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 as the infant begins to grow into
Add an article
an adolescent
show examples
adolescent
Replace the word
adolescence
show examples
.
Secondly
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
proper control
Change preposition
of
show examples
in habits
Correct your spelling
inhabits
show examples
 at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
,
thus
 help in the mental
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of the young
child
,
therefore
 impacting more and effective knowledge to them.
Likewise
Add a comma
,Likewise
show examples
 with proper
home
 training from
parents
Add a comma
,parents
show examples
children
 learn faster and can differentiate the good from the bad attitudes.
Thirdly
, with adequate
home
 training from their guidance, there will be respect and presentation outside the
home
 will be appropriate with
a good knowledge
Remove the article
good knowledge
a piece of good knowledge
show examples
 and understanding.
Furthermore
, it is worthy to note that freedom from parents in growing up is not totally out of place because
this
 would great
a bound
Correct your spelling
abound
show examples
 between the guidance and the
children
, in spite of
this
 the younger
age
 would be free to express their
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 excess freedom given at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 stage of
age
 possess the
child
 to unwanted
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and as well cause so much damage as the
child
 grows into adolescent
age
. In conclusion, you will agree with me that
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 habit that can not be hidden,
therefore
 there should be an extent of freedom that should be given to the younger
age
 group for proper
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
.
Submitted by ejiromillicent on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: