Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
of
children
can not be
Add an article
the emphasis
an emphasis
show examples
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasised
show examples
. Parents are the
first
contact point to
children
,
therefore
the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
of
children
should take place
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a younger
age
. It is of no doubt that the training of
children
begins from
home
,
therefore
each
attributes
Change to a singular noun
attribute
show examples
of a
child
shown must be put into consideration and realized in time for proper training.
Firstly
, it is very important that the guidance of
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
infant at an early stage would put the
child
at lesser risk of hazards and created good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
as the infant begins to grow into
Add an article
an adolescent
show examples
adolescent
Replace the word
adolescence
show examples
.
Secondly
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
proper control
Change preposition
of
show examples
in habits
Correct your spelling
inhabits
show examples
at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
,
thus
help in the mental
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
of the young
child
,
therefore
impacting more and effective knowledge to them.
Likewise
Add a comma
,Likewise
show examples
with proper
home
training from
parents
Add a comma
,parents
show examples
children
learn faster and can differentiate the good from the bad attitudes.
Thirdly
, with adequate
home
training from their guidance, there will be respect and presentation outside the
home
will be appropriate with
a good knowledge
Remove the article
good knowledge
a piece of good knowledge
show examples
and understanding.
Furthermore
, it is worthy to note that freedom from parents in growing up is not totally out of place because
this
would great
a bound
Correct your spelling
abound
show examples
between the guidance and the
children
, in spite of
this
the younger
age
would be free to express their
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
excess freedom given at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
stage of
age
possess the
child
to unwanted
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
and as well cause so much damage as the
child
grows into adolescent
age
. In conclusion, you will agree with me that
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
habit that can not be hidden,
therefore
there should be an extent of freedom that should be given to the younger
age
group for proper
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
.
Submitted by ejiromillicent on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: