Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #sky

There are many

people

who discuss that extreme

sports

should be prohibited due to the risks for

people

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with

this

argument, performing or attending these

sports

such

as skiing, bungee-jumping and parachuting are a choice of an individual and banning them is against the freedom of humans even though these activities are highly risky for human health.

To begin

with, there are many stories about sportsperson who lost their lives while climbing the mountains, skiing or paragliding.

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

there are many

people

who have to amputate the cause of these adventure

sports

. It is understandable that the unfortunate consequences force

people

think

Add the particle

tothink

show examples

take some cautions as banning or limiting the attendance for these activities.

For example

, climbing Everest is one of the most extreme

action

Fix the agreement mistake

actions

show examples

in the world and every year thousands of

athlete's

Change the noun form

athletes

athlete

show examples

are climbing the most ruthless mountain on earth to experience the excitement of being at the top of the world.

However

, it is a known fact that many sportsmen were died or lost a limb while climbing due to the brutal conditions in the mouth even though some of them were very experienced in their branch.

However

, I believe that prohibiting attending adventure

sports

does not prevent any losses and in

Add an article

the contract

a contract

show examples

contract

Correct your spelling

contrast

show examples

may cause more losses due to legalisation. If authorities would ban

to participate

Change the verb form

participating

show examples

performing these

sports

there could be black markets for

people

who want to experience these.

On the other

hand

Add a comma

,hand

show examples

to participate in these

sports

is a choice of an individual and any kind of prohibition would be a violation of the freedom of

people

. In my opinion, individuals can choose to do any activities they want but understand the potential consequences clearly. That's why authorities should explain and share the risks transparently and inform adventurers of past experiences. In conclusion, undoubtedly extreme

sports

can cause

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

serious results to

people

's lives but it shouldn't

be forget

Change the verb form

forget

show examples

that the decision of participation

is belonged

Change to the active voice

belongs

has belonged

show examples

people

.That's why in my opinion

people

should argue how to make these

sports

more secure before

than

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the thought of prohibition.

Submitted by gorkemozzeytin on Fri Jul 23 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

352 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

adrenaline rush
risk threshold
thrill-seeking
safety protocols
hazard assessment
adventure tourism
regulatory framework
personal autonomy
informed consent
risk mitigation strategies
thrill-seeking behavior
protective gear
extreme athleticism
freedom of choice
accident prevalence
emergency response
courage and resilience
endorphin release
legal implications
peer pressure effects

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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Fully explain your ideas

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