IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #sky
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are many
people
Use synonyms
 who discuss that extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited due to the risks for
people
Use synonyms
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 argument, performing or attending these
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as skiing, bungee-jumping and parachuting are a choice of an individual and banning them is against the freedom of humans even though these activities are highly risky for human health.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many stories about sportsperson who lost their lives while climbing the mountains, skiing or paragliding.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who have to amputate the cause of these adventure
sports
Use synonyms
. It is understandable that the unfortunate consequences force
people
Use synonyms
 to
think
Add the particle
tothink
show examples
 take some cautions as banning or limiting the attendance for these activities.
For example
Linking Words
, climbing Everest is one of the most extreme
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 in the world and every year thousands of
athlete's
Change the noun form
athletes
athlete
show examples
 are climbing the most ruthless mountain on earth to experience the excitement of being at the top of the world.
However
Linking Words
, it is a known fact that many sportsmen were died or lost a limb while climbing due to the brutal conditions in the mouth even though some of them were very experienced in their branch.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that prohibiting attending adventure
sports
Use synonyms
 does not prevent any losses and in
Add an article
the contract
a contract
show examples
contract
Correct your spelling
contrast
show examples
 may cause more losses due to legalisation. If authorities would ban
to participate
Change the verb form
participating
show examples
 performing these
sports
Use synonyms
 there could be black markets for
people
Use synonyms
 who want to experience these.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 to participate in these
sports
Use synonyms
 is a choice of an individual and any kind of prohibition would be a violation of the freedom of
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, individuals can choose to do any activities they want but understand the potential consequences clearly. That's why authorities should explain and share the risks transparently and inform adventurers of past experiences. In conclusion, undoubtedly extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 can cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious results to
people
Use synonyms
's lives but it shouldn't
be forget
Change the verb form
forget
show examples
 that the decision of participation
is belonged
Change to the active voice
belongs
has belonged
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
.That's why in my opinion
people
Use synonyms
 should argue how to make these
sports
Use synonyms
 more secure before
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the thought of prohibition.
Submitted by gorkemozzeytin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: