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Band 4

• It is not necessary to travel to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet . Do you agree or disagree?

#travel #places #culture #people #books #films #internet
Over the past few decades, travelling is not required to study different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 as with the advancement in technology one can learn it from books ,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and movies.
However
, it is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 topic, I agree that every
information
Correct quantifier usage
piece of information
show examples
 is available online
but
Add the preposition
forbut
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 physical experience has its own remarkable experience.
To begin
 with, In accent years people need to visit the place to gather
information
 about their people living and
culture
 but now there are plenty of online sites are available which help to gain knowledge in just one click. To illustrate :- If one wants to gain
information
 about India he can search on any search engines like google , yahoo and obtain that
information
such
 as their
culture
 , trending news ,
wheather
Correct your spelling
weather
. Along with that, there are
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
documentory
Correct your spelling
documentary
 are available in forms of books and movies which helps a person to gather
information
 about
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
 of a place and a person.
On the other hand
, there is a nuance between simply learning about a
culture
 from secondary sources and physically experiencing it and eventually discerning the several traits of it, something which can never be gained
otherwise
. To fully understand a community, it is necessary to be part of the
culture
 for
extended
Add an article
an extended
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 time and should observe how the
culture
 has evolved over the period. A case in point is anthropologists, who study
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of a community by physically experiencing territory.
This
 does not mean that everybody who wants to understand various
culture
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to be an anthropologist. Rather I want to say that if anyone wants a comprehensive understanding
about
Change preposition
of
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a
Remove the article
apply
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culture
, he must visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the land and should observe the cultural pattern
instead
 of learning from
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
 experience.
Submitted by skshikhakochar on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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