IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Being a good
person
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society much more difficult task these days.There are various obstacles
children
 have to pass when they become mature
states
Correct your spelling
statesperson
show examples
person
.Some people argue that
children
 have
influence
Add an article
the influence
an influence
show examples
 of their elders mostly and others contend that schools should be responsible to make students salutary.I believe that both parties are important in training a child to become a model citizen.
Firstly
,
children
 live most time with their
parents
 and they learn every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 from them. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 their birth the
first
person
 is
mother
Add an article
a mother
the mother
show examples
 who teaches every single manner to babies until entering colleges or schools.
For example
, they learn to eat, dress and talk just by watching their
parents
 and imitating them.
Thus
,
parents
 could be good members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society themselves and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Clifton would get those qualities automatically.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
parents
 have grate impact on
children
.When
prid
Correct your spelling
pride
, achievement,
apriciation
Correct your spelling
appreciation
 are deserved by the
parents
 which can motivate them to become genuine personal.When
children
contribut
Correct your spelling
contribute
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way, even if it is very small the happiness of the
parents
 would encourage them to perform well and more.
On the other hand
, colleges are the
next
 chapter that can change
school-goers
Add an article
the school-goers
show examples
mind set
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
 and behaviours as well
disciplines
Change preposition
as disciplines
show examples
 in productive ways.Schools are the
first
 institute where students develop social interaction and new friendships independently.
Moreover
, they can
broden
Correct your spelling
broaden
 their horizons from primary grades.For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, way of respect other's opinions, unity of the team,
leaderships
Fix the agreement mistake
leadership
show examples
 and cluster of additional qualities can be acquired by the teenagers.The essential qualities which cannot be learnt by themselves, if they do not attend over there.
Educationa
Correct your spelling
Educational
Education
 system would change immature's
mind sets
Correct your spelling
mindsets
show examples
 entirely from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anyone who has
influenced
Add a missing verb
been influenced
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the family.
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
Un
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 conclusion, teachers and
parents
 both have an
equal
Change the adjective
equally
show examples
 important role
inmoukding
Correct your spelling
in moulding
 the character of students.
parents
 play a major role during
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
 2-5 years of age.
Subsequently
,school take into account later on.Both categories should work actively to create the perfect
person
.
Submitted by nishadiebalasooriya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: