some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

We all acknowledge that

music

gives us considerable influences. In some way, some

people

believe that

music

is great for uniting communities from different backgrounds of cultures and ages. I completely agree that it would be the best way to drives

people

in our societies. We humans, as social animals, need to communicate with each other to build prosperous communities on every scale. There are is a diverse range of media to convey our intentions: conversations, talks, signs, pictures, and

music

. Some

people

believe that the latter one could bring

Remove the article

apply

show examples

typical energy to massive peoples with

different

Add an article

a different

show examples

type

Fix the agreement mistake

types

show examples

of backgrounds.

For instance

, the national anthems that played in every prominent

events

Change to a singular noun

event

show examples

could tremendously bring spirits for nations all over the

worldworldwide

Correct your spelling

world worldwide

world world wide

. No matter what

people

’s

people

's race, culture, or even religion, they undeniably gave an enormous motivation for the preceding patriots and their troops in the field of war.

Furthermore

, we could see the significant impact of the national anthems in every crucial

moments

Change to a singular noun

moment

show examples

in sports,

such

as The World Cup and The Olympics.

For instance

, before the match starts, football players usually got an opportunity to listen and sing for their national anthems, which are

also

sung by all

supportersll

Correct your spelling

supporters

also

sing.

Consequently

this

echoing sound gigantically booms the atmosphere of the

stadiumstadium's

Correct your spelling

stadium stadiums

atmosphere; it gives players motivating forces to win the game.

In other words

, when the match takes place, the rumbling noise of the supporters’ supporters' anthem makes the entire spectators enthusiastically follow the game. Still, when the game is over,

music

usually accompanies the victory. To conclude, I believe that

music

could provide irrefutable

evidences

Change the wording

evidence

pieces of evidence

shreds of evidence

show examples

to create a collaboration amongst

people

around the world to create collaboration amongst

people

worldwide.

Submitted by kardina.nawassa.s on Sun Jul 25 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society.

Social media helps people to keep in touch with friends and stay on top of news and events. Do you think the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people think it is very important to protect the environment but they make no effort to do it themselves. Why do you think this is the case? What actions should individuals take to protect the environment?