IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this.

#workers #positions #community
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The number of
foreing
Correct your spelling
foreign
workers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing day by day in whole the world and they are fill up
job
 position that the local
workers
 are not willing to do. It can cause some issues in the community, but I do not agree that it should be stopped if the domestic
workers
 do not want to attend certain
job
 vacancies.
First
 of all, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 migrant
workers
 are helping countries to fill some scarce
job
 positions that the native
people
 refuse to do,
such
 as farm work.
For instance
, in Australia, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a huge demand to work at farms and fields, but they do not have domestic
people
 to fill up
this
 kind of
job
,
therefore
, they choose to hire
foreingners
Correct your spelling
foreigners
.
On the other hand
, when the country
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
 more migrants that can
support
Correct pronoun usage
itsupport
show examples
, it may face some problems,
such
 as
disordely
Correct your spelling
disorderly
 growth of population and decreased wages. Being so, the number of immigrants should be controlled to avoid major issues. To illustrate it,
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2018 and 2019, Sydney forced a big problem with the number of foreigners and they created laws to
incentive
Replace the word
incentivise
show examples
people
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
show examples
 to
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 cities or states,
however
, between 2020 and 2021, due to the pandemic, Australia is suffering
with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 shortage
people
 to work. In conclusion, I do not agree that they should be stopped
foreingn
Correct your spelling
foreign
workers
, even though they posses a threat to local employees, they may contribute in countries economy by filling
up skill
Add a hyphen
up-skill
show examples
 positions that are open.
Submitted by carvalhos.comercial on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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