IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Other say other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

#people #job #love #factors
There is no doubt that a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people believe that in order to be happy, you must have a
job
 you love doing.
However
, there are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 important factors that we can take into consideration
such
 as money, family or friends. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explore both sides of these arguments, and explain my support for
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 view. To being with, those who support the
first
 idea, usually claim that it is a natural part of our lives, to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the things we like and make us happy. A
job
 is something we are supposed to do during most of our lifespan.
As a result
, the way a
job
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 will affect our mood during the rest of the day. Another reason
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
 is that if we feel good
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 our
job
, our efficiency will improve.
Consequently
, the chances of getting a promotion too.
On the other hand
, there are other factors to be taken into consideration. Every person is different, with particulars problems and needs. As a consequence, I don t think that only a
job
 can make us happy,
for example
, for some people having their own family can be a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 happiness, while for others
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 money or love. During our lives
length
Add a comma
,length
show examples
 our necessities may change
therefore
, the factor that we need to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 it will too.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion despite the fact both arguments have good reasons, I believe that in order to achieve happiness,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 needs to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 that particular need or expectation in their lives. From my point of view, having a
job
 you like doing
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 important,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it isn’t the only key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 happiness. We need a certain combination of these factors to achieve it.
Submitted by abad.nicolass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: