IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Other say other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

#people #job #love #factors
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There is no doubt that a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people believe that in order to be happy, you must have a
job
Use synonyms
 you love doing.
However
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, there are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 important factors that we can take into consideration
such
Linking Words
 as money, family or friends. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explore both sides of these arguments, and explain my support for
latter
Add an article
the latter
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 view. To being with, those who support the
first
Linking Words
 idea, usually claim that it is a natural part of our lives, to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
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the things we like and make us happy. A
job
Use synonyms
 is something we are supposed to do during most of our lifespan.
As a result
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, the way a
job
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 us
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
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 will affect our mood during the rest of the day. Another reason
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
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 is that if we feel good
with
Change preposition
about
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 our
job
Use synonyms
, our efficiency will improve.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the chances of getting a promotion too.
On the other hand
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, there are other factors to be taken into consideration. Every person is different, with particulars problems and needs. As a consequence, I don t think that only a
job
Use synonyms
 can make us happy,
for example
Linking Words
, for some people having their own family can be a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 happiness, while for others
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
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 money or love. During our lives
length
Add a comma
,length
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 our necessities may change
therefore
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, the factor that we need to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 it will too.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion despite the fact both arguments have good reasons, I believe that in order to achieve happiness,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 needs to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 that particular need or expectation in their lives. From my point of view, having a
job
Use synonyms
 you like doing
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 important,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it isn’t the only key
for
Change preposition
to
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 happiness. We need a certain combination of these factors to achieve it.
Submitted by abad.nicolass on

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