Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Other say other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

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There is no doubt that a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number

It appears that the quantifier a large amount does not fit with the countable noun people. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

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of people believe that in order to be happy, you must have a
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

you love doing.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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important factors that we can take into consideration
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as money, family or friends. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
Add a comma
,essay

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will explore both sides of these arguments, and explain my support for
latter
Add an article
the latter

The noun phrase latter view seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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view. To being with, those who support the
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

idea, usually claim that it is a natural part of our lives, to seek
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the things we like and make us happy. A
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is something we are supposed to do during most of our lifespan.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the way a
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

make
Change the verb form
makes

The verb make does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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us
fell
Correct your spelling
feel

The word fell doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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will affect our mood during the rest of the day. Another reason
in
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument

It seems that arguments may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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is that if we feel good
with
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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our
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, our efficiency will improve.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the chances of getting a promotion too.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are other factors to be taken into consideration. Every person is different, with particulars problems and needs. As a consequence, I don t think that only a
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can make us happy,
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, for some people having their own family can be a reason
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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happiness, while for others
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe

The word may be seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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money or love. During our lives
length
Add a comma
,length

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase During our lives length. Consider adding a comma.

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our necessities may change
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the factor that we need to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil

The spelling of fulfill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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it will too.
As
Change preposition
In

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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conclusion despite the fact both arguments have good reasons, I believe that in order to achieve happiness,
every one
Replace the word
everyone

The word every one may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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needs to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil

The spelling of fulfill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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that particular need or expectation in their lives. From my point of view, having a
job
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

you like doing
its
Correct your spelling
is

The word its doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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important,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

however
Add a comma
,however

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase however. Consider adding a comma.

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it isn’t the only key
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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happiness. We need a certain combination of these factors to achieve it.

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