IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Other say other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

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There is no doubt that a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people believe that in order to be happy, you must have a
job
Use synonyms
 you love doing.
However
Linking Words
, there are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 important factors that we can take into consideration
such
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 as money, family or friends. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will explore both sides of these arguments, and explain my support for
latter
Add an article
the latter
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 view. To being with, those who support the
first
Linking Words
 idea, usually claim that it is a natural part of our lives, to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
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the things we like and make us happy. A
job
Use synonyms
 is something we are supposed to do during most of our lifespan.
As a result
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, the way a
job
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 us
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
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 will affect our mood during the rest of the day. Another reason
in
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
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 is that if we feel good
with
Change preposition
about
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 our
job
Use synonyms
, our efficiency will improve.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the chances of getting a promotion too.
On the other hand
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, there are other factors to be taken into consideration. Every person is different, with particulars problems and needs. As a consequence, I don t think that only a
job
Use synonyms
 can make us happy,
for example
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, for some people having their own family can be a reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 happiness, while for others
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
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 money or love. During our lives
length
Add a comma
,length
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 our necessities may change
therefore
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, the factor that we need to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 it will too.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion despite the fact both arguments have good reasons, I believe that in order to achieve happiness,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
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 needs to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 that particular need or expectation in their lives. From my point of view, having a
job
Use synonyms
 you like doing
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 important,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it isn’t the only key
for
Change preposition
to
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 happiness. We need a certain combination of these factors to achieve it.

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